After an especially good coaching session with Paulette Terrels, we discovered that I seem to have a need to make a fuss and complain about things. I don’t do it all the time and it’s usually not vocal.  Certainly, I’ve made progress and it’s breaking up. But through that deeper awareness, I routed out a deeply held belief which has been quiet, but steadfast.  I’m not sure if I can fully get my head around it, but I’m going to try.

I know it does me no good to dwell on the negative.  And I’m usually quick to shift gears, aware that the complaining blocks my progress toward allowing what I want to flow.  I have experienced this in action when I do allow the good feelings and thoughts to take over.  When I rest easy and trust it will happen.  Things work out so much better.  Just recently, I marked a weekend on my calendar to go to the beach.  I didn’t know how I was going to get there, where I would go, etc.  But an invitation came the Monday before.

And, yet, even as I write this, I want to moan and complain about something and find a crutch.  I feel the negative tendencies holding me back, pulling me down, poking holes in my positive energy, making a mess of everything.  Still, I cling to it, as if it were a life raft.

Why?  That is the question.  Maybe I think people won’t like me or resent me if I’m too happy, too cheerful.  Perhaps I worry that I’ll miss something I need to see.  That I’m somehow being lazy or irresponsible if I don’t take a “cold, hard look at what’s wrong.”   I either won’t know what to change or otherwise neglect my need.  What if I fall asleep to my desire to change? Some may take the view that I’m not really looking at the reality unless I see the negative.  (I guess it doesn’t matter that I’ve spent years seeing only the negative and skimming over the positive.  Or like it wouldn’t be a good idea to try it the other way around.)  I must think that I will somehow “forget” what it is I want to change.  Another thought might be that the grumpies provide “proof” that I need things to change. I’m not sure about all this.  I suspect there’s even more to the story, deeper along.

Sometimes, just hearing the possible reasons  (or seeing them) can help to blow them away.  I do know that much of this is nonsense.  It doesn’t  wipe it all away, but it can help when faced with it to remember that it’s not really true.

When I get stuck in this muck of negativity, it’s hard to extricate myself.  It usually takes someone else – like a coach – to point out where I am.  When I’m in it, I’m not aware of these reasons.  I just have a sinking feeling that I must pay attention, hold onto the gripes, or I won’t get what I want.  Now, I might be a little more aware of the reasons that I can let go of.

The Good Truth is that as soon as I realize where I am, I can step out of that pile, wipe off my shoes and put my feet into cool water.  Then, pick up something that feels better and keep on going.

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