Honoring Others’ Presence

There are many ways to do this.  Sometimes it’s just a matter of listening.  Being really present and listening carefully to someone can be the best gift we can ever give them.

We can honor them by seeing them as whole just the way they are.  Sometimes that’s difficult, especially when they don’t see themselves that way. What an amazing gift it is to reflect something different!  It’s a matter of holding in mind a thought there is always a reason for why people do and say what they do. Give them the same leniency you might give yourself, knowing your reasons. Knowing that they are just where they need to be.

Honoring another means remaining centered in love.  Seeing them as another unfolding, awakening soul.  After all, we are made of the same stuff.  You might even say we are one.

Another way we can honor others is by acknowledging their gifts and offering praise for them.  I believe there was a generation who believed people (children, in particular) would get a big ego if they heard too much praise.  I don’t believe that.  People with big egos, who’s britches are too big for them, are usually not sure at all how wonderful they are.

I love that as you give others the gift of listening to what they have to say, you can also give yourself a gift. There is something to learn from every encounter with others.  You might pick up some good ideas, advise or suggestions.  You could also spot something in yourself that is similar to what you’re seeing in the other.  That might be cool with you and allow to give yourself some praise.  Or it could be something you don’t care for. Seeing that, you can do something to change it in yourself.

Every moment life is offering us messages. By paying attention to others, by being present with them, you continue to practice present moment awareness. And in so doing, hear the guidance that’s always there.

Letting Go of the Shutters

Last week I was going on a day trip.  An hour or so from home, we would be there for several hours.  I planned carefully, imagining how it might go, and calculating what I needed – food, warmth and the like.  I also figured what I wanted to get done before we left and what I hoped to accomplish when I returned.  I knew when I wanted to leave.

With that knowledge, I went with the moment. Laying down in it, efforting only for awareness.  In this way I was able to enjoy whatever came up.

The best laid plans, of course.  I left at just the right time, but got home later than I planned – traffic happens.  And when I arrived, the situation was different than expected.  Because I had thought it through, I knew I’d have time the next day to catch up.  I got what I knew was important and let the rest go.  All was well.

Some lessons from this:  You begin by planning well.  Imagining and dreaming what you’d like to happen, what you expect to happen. Spend as much time as you can.  Paint it in living color.  Add the details, down to the shutters on the house or the trim on the car.  The more specific and concrete you can get, the better.

Then, you let it all go.  Open the shutters of disbelief and limited possibilities. Relax into the moment.  Look for the fun. See the lay of the land.  Observe, listen and stay open for guidance.

In the end, the shutters may turn out to be blue instead of green or no shutters at all.  If you’re willing to let go of what you imagined, you may be amazed at what you get instead.  Allowing the warp and woof of life to reshape your vision will make it so much better!  Co-creating, if you will, with life, with God.

Strongly Held Belief

After an especially good coaching session with Paulette Terrels, we discovered that I seem to have a need to make a fuss and complain about things. I don’t do it all the time and it’s usually not vocal.  Certainly, I’ve made progress and it’s breaking up. But through that deeper awareness, I routed out a deeply held belief which has been quiet, but steadfast.  I’m not sure if I can fully get my head around it, but I’m going to try.

I know it does me no good to dwell on the negative.  And I’m usually quick to shift gears, aware that the complaining blocks my progress toward allowing what I want to flow.  I have experienced this in action when I do allow the good feelings and thoughts to take over.  When I rest easy and trust it will happen.  Things work out so much better.  Just recently, I marked a weekend on my calendar to go to the beach.  I didn’t know how I was going to get there, where I would go, etc.  But an invitation came the Monday before.

And, yet, even as I write this, I want to moan and complain about something and find a crutch.  I feel the negative tendencies holding me back, pulling me down, poking holes in my positive energy, making a mess of everything.  Still, I cling to it, as if it were a life raft.

Why?  That is the question.  Maybe I think people won’t like me or resent me if I’m too happy, too cheerful.  Perhaps I worry that I’ll miss something I need to see.  That I’m somehow being lazy or irresponsible if I don’t take a “cold, hard look at what’s wrong.”   I either won’t know what to change or otherwise neglect my need.  What if I fall asleep to my desire to change? Some may take the view that I’m not really looking at the reality unless I see the negative.  (I guess it doesn’t matter that I’ve spent years seeing only the negative and skimming over the positive.  Or like it wouldn’t be a good idea to try it the other way around.)  I must think that I will somehow “forget” what it is I want to change.  Another thought might be that the grumpies provide “proof” that I need things to change. I’m not sure about all this.  I suspect there’s even more to the story, deeper along.

Sometimes, just hearing the possible reasons  (or seeing them) can help to blow them away.  I do know that much of this is nonsense.  It doesn’t  wipe it all away, but it can help when faced with it to remember that it’s not really true.

When I get stuck in this muck of negativity, it’s hard to extricate myself.  It usually takes someone else – like a coach – to point out where I am.  When I’m in it, I’m not aware of these reasons.  I just have a sinking feeling that I must pay attention, hold onto the gripes, or I won’t get what I want.  Now, I might be a little more aware of the reasons that I can let go of.

The Good Truth is that as soon as I realize where I am, I can step out of that pile, wipe off my shoes and put my feet into cool water.  Then, pick up something that feels better and keep on going.

Vibrating at the Speed of Thoughts

So I’m reading a new book.  Not sure where it came from.  A used book store, I’m guessing.  It’s called “Excuse Me, Your Life is Waiting,” by Lynn Grabhorn.  Ms. Grabhorn has a dry wit which keeps the words flowing. However, I’ve only just started the book. 

It’s clearly (and with props) based on the work of Jerry and Esther Hicks.  The Hicks, I believe, were the very first to bring attention to the masses of the Law of Attraction.

Lynn begins her book by talking about the key factor in this process: Your Feelings.  Our thoughts create our feelings, but our emotions are the mechanism for the attraction. What we put out, exude (or our vibration, as Lynn calls it) is what attracts the people and situations to our lives.

Thoughts are where it begins and ends.  Once the emotion takes hold, it’s very hard to make it stop. I’ve watched myself on a streak of “bad luck” when my feelings have taken a dive.  Awareness is good, but it may well be too late.  Thoughts are much easier to control.

Awareness of your emotions can sometimes lead you back to the thought.  I’ve been practicing, lately, working on the thoughts to keep them from exploding into emotion.  I’m using my Favorite Things. Whenever I’m feeling a little low, or more likely, when something happens that upsets me, I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.

Technically, what happens is that I truly do feel better and cut off the destructive path of the out of control feelings.  I am calmer and exude less of that static.  This keeps my emotions and the situation from getting out of hand.

It only takes a moment’s awareness and perhaps 30 seconds (maybe as much as a minute if it’s really bad) of thinking over my list:  sunny days, soft breezes, a cup of tea, Roger Howarth, Johnny Depp, having all day to write, weekend mornings, a great film, a cool drink of water . . .  you need to make your own list so they can get you vibrating at a higher level!

Using the Elementals

Sometimes life gets too absorbing.  My nose is to the grindstone, trying hard.  But it’s at times like these I need to step back and remember that it’s far more productive to use the “Elementals” to make things happen.

1)  The first step is always to get quiet and look inside. There I can find the inspiration of Guidance.  It is speaking to me through my dreams and visions.  Showing what I want and giving me the match to light the fire.  It reveals my Mission, what I truly want to do.

2)  Next I want to give my clear Attention and Awareness to this Mission.  Tell the truth and own what I want.  Listen, research, and learn what I need to do.  Give it thought and planning to know how to proceed.

3)  Back that up with Consistent Discipline, making the right choices, taking the steps I feel guided to take.  A small amount of effort, repeated regularly, produces results.  Keep taking authentic action.

4)  Along the way, care for myself and my actions with Acceptance and Flexibility.  Allowing myself to dance this way or that, fail or succeed, rest and play. Remaining open to whatever comes my way.

5)  I don’t want to forget to fuel myself with Gratitude and Appreciation.  Keep the talk ever positive, filling the well. Be grateful for whatever I create through my actions. Gratitude will multiply whatever I do.

Return inside for Guidance to check that my mission still feels right. Sharpen my awareness, keep taking conscious steps, take good care, and be grateful for everything I make happen.

Rinse and repeat.

Tending to the Thought Garden

Everybody is talking about Self Care.  Readers of this Blog know that I’m a big proponent of this important cause. I contend that a large part of it is in how you talk to yourself.  Self talk can make or break your Self Care program.  When you are the observer of your thoughts you are in the realm of Now. (And we all know how vital and powerful that is!)

So, observation is key.  It only takes a moment to be aware.  Once you hear what you’re saying, you have the opportunity to be proactive in your self-care.

Sometimes I stop and ask myself, “Is this what I really want to be doing right now?”  If I answer that it isn’t, I’m only going to cause myself suffering.  Instead I can turn it into an opportunity to say, “Yes.”  And allow myself to be more present to what I’m doing, rather than questioning it.

Another favorite question is: “Am I doing this well enough?”  This is where I can really step up and be on my side.  If I remember that I can love myself like I would a friend, I turn that thought on its ear.  What a wonderful way to show that I love and care about myself!  Close those thoughts down. Tell them to take a hike.

How about “Am I doing the right thing, moving in the right direction?”  I like to use this as practice in trusting.  Surrendering to whatever I’m doing.  That is the only place I can hear new instructions as to where to go next. If I’m constantly questioning myself I’ll never get anywhere. That’s a lousy way to treat myself.

I am going to listen to what I’m saying and change the thought if it doesn’t support me in joy and acceptance.  I think that’s a very good way to take good care.

From Zero to Sixty

Sometimes it seems like everyone is scolding me for something or other.  Of course, my head is doing the same thing. But how do you change the soundtrack?

I’ve been struggling with this.  How can I, for instance feel like I do in summer, when it is so obviously not?  It was looking like I’d have to lie to myself.

But I forgot: you don’t have to go from 0 to 60 in one breath.  Sometimes it’s enough to just rev up the engine a little.

Whenever I’m feeling low I simply remember my favorite things and then I don’t feel so bad.  Perhaps a list of some of my favorite things might help to have on hand: Summer breezes through my hair, getting into bed with clean sheets, new, colorful office supplies, any America song, finding the right answer, a few hours stretching out in front of me to write, or having nowhere to go.

So, when I find myself churning over some silly thing I can’t do anything about at the moment, I’m going to center myself.  Just a moment’s awareness will do. Then I can find something, anything at all that feels better than whatever nonsense or scolding is cluttering up my mind.  Maybe about the movie I’m going to be watching that evening.  If I’m having a hard time, I might try that the sun is shining or that my heart is pumping blood and I’m alive.  Usually there’s something I can go to.  Even a drink of cool water. 

I’ve come to see (though I knew before) with the help of Paulette Terrels, that it’s such a waste of time and energy to listen to those scolding voices. It does me no good to chew on the lousy weather or a tedious project I have to do, that it’s only Tuesday . . .   When all I have to do is think about Harry Potter and I’m back on track.  From there it’s not hard to find something better and better and then I’m cruising along at a comfortable 45.  Much easier to get to 60 from there!

 

Form Follows Thought

I think I’m cranky because my back hurts.  I think my back hurts because of this, that or the other out there.  But it all comes down to my thought. 

I’ve decided to listen to my thoughts to see just how the thoughts are dictating how I’m feeling.  When I listen like that it makes perfect sense.  Sometimes I can hear a constant stream from “it’s cold,” to “the cat is being a pest, I’m tired, I would rather be doing that, what an ugly car.” Chomping away at all that’s not right. 

Okay.  I take a breath.  I’m grateful for all I have.  You know that was a kind thing he did.  I’m grateful he is in my life.  Oh, but look, I have a thread coming out of my sweater.  You know all my clothes are ratty and in need of repair.  Off I go again!

It seems logical to say that my back hurts because I need an adjustment.  And if I felt better, I’d have better thoughts.  But I believe it is the other way around.  That form follows thought.  I’ve been told as much by many wise folks.  But I say, no, my back hurts because I’m not getting enough rest.  Wait a moment, maybe it’s because I’m not getting enough exercise.  Always it’s my thoughts telling me I did something wrong, or I didn’t do it enough.  Do this game enough, without awareness, and watch it grow into something worse.

If I’m going to have my life move more in the direction I choose, all the affirmations and intentions won’t work until my thoughts are more in alignment with what I choose. 

I know of two good ways to control my thoughts.  One is, of course, meditation.  I’ve found it’s best when done regularly. No matter how small the time, as long as it’s regular (that means as many days in a row as you can, shooting for every day.)  The other way is intensive journaling to unload most of that chatter.

Awareness, as always is the key to it all.  Watching to see how your thoughts are creating your reality. Coloring how you feel, emotionally and physically.  It all comes from the thoughts.

I’m going to try making that connection: between how my body feels and what my thoughts are doing.  The discomfort might well be coming from thoughts I had hours ago, but there’s no time like the present to clean it up.

The Glass is Half Full

Every day we can choose.  Each and every moment.  What are we going to see?  The dreary, rainy day or the smiling faces of friends and colleagues?  Do we focus on why we didn’t get what we wanted or do we direct our attention and thoughts to what we can do now?

It truly is an amazing thing that we get to choose how we see the glass. And it’s an extremely powerful choice! They only key we need to unlock its profound effect is Awareness.

The second you notice you are feeling bad, sad, cranky, unhappy, disturbed, distressed, you are in the door. From there you get to pick which direction you wish to go.  Just one moment of awareness can make  all the difference.

You can feel and taste the difference:  My glass is half full.  Or my glass is half empty.  

I choose the half full glass, please. So I can fill it to the brim. And then I can overflow with abundance.

Take Note of What’s Going Right

I get a Whispering email from my coach, friend, and spiritual guide, Paulette Terrels.  Yesterday’s mentioned this phrase.

It seems so easy to trip over all that’s going wrong. As if that’s the only thing that speaks to us. Certainly it can seem like the loudest voice. But by making simple choices during a day, to smile more, to choose the positive slant, to note what’s going right, we can make profound changes in our lives.

You might start by noticing how often you fall into awareness of what’s going wrong.  It may surprise you how many times in a day you see only what’s going wrong. See if you can switch it – right there and then – to what’s going right. All it takes is one moment of awareness. Start asking, what is working?  What is good?  Sometimes all it take is a glance at a beautiful day, or a loved one to restore your perspective.

Then see if you can start to notice and count the things that go right.  When the printer does its thing without a hiccup.  When you get through on the first try.  When what you asked for is delivered complete and on time.  How about after a very satisfying meal?

Something disappointed me yesterday and I found myself under a cloud of gloom the rest of the day. (It didn’t help that it got so dark so fast!) I suppose it could be looked upon as a good thing to allow myself to grieve. To feel what I was feeling. But it sure felt lousy.

This morning, however, when the sun shone again I was able to see things in a brighter way. That maybe I didn’t get the reaction I wanted, but there were some things that went rather well yesterday, ways I got what I wanted and what I expected. There was a delightful little surprise that now I can see offers light along the way that looked so shadowed and difficult just hours before.

I wonder why I wasn’t able to see that yesterday? Once I told myself the story that I was let down, I began to see everything under the guise of disappointment. Yes, feeling your feelings is good, but maybe if I had been more aware I could have felt my feelings and been done with it in a few moments, rather than several hours. It was, after all, not devastating news, just falling a bit short of my expectations.  But I wasn’t able to see that until much later in the process.

Maybe if I’m in the practice of seeing what’s right, I’ll be more aware when I slip into the pool of what’s going wrong. It’s really rather odd how when you’re in that mode, things that aren’t so bad take on a negative pallor.  And then I remember a time three years ago when something similar happened.  Up pops something  from last month. How about the time when I was 10 and didn’t get what I wanted on my birthday?  See, nothing ever goes my way. . .  Yikes!  The human mind is a strange beast.

It’s all just a matter of watching, being aware and making a new choice.  To look around and see what is going Right, instead of allowing what isn’t to drag you down.