You are currently browsing the tag archive for the ‘Paulette Terrels’ tag.
I read a sad, but interesting story recently in Caroline Myss’ legendary book, “The Anatomy of the Spirit.” In it, Caroline indicated that though the person in the story was willing, it wasn’t the same as surrendering. I love those shades of meaning from a linguistic point of view. But, if you notice your body when you say, “I am willing,” versus “I surrender,” you may see that there is a physical difference between the two, as well.
When you are willing, you’re geared up, you’re leaning forward, you’re ready, you might even be gritting your teeth. Isn’t that often accompanied by a desire to do something, maybe even to get something for it? What’s really going on, though, could be closer to resigning to it. I’m willing to do it, because it’s for my own good, I know it will turn out for the best … When you surrender, it’s like letting out a long breath. You sink in, you relax, you release, you give up.
We all so love to be in control. I, myself, am quite fond of predictability. I like having some idea what’s going to happen next. And I’ve found that need for predictability can be present whether you’re a home-based worker, a 50 hour a week employee, a new mother, or a trust fund baby. We are so often scrambling to build predictability into our lives. It’s hard to give up control, even when we really don’t need to hold on so tightly.
This Surrendering certainly entails faith on some level. Can we say a willingness to surrender? Paulette Terrels often speaks of being willing to be willing. That is certainly a step on the journey. But we just haven’t crossed the threshold until we are ready to surrender. When we can acknowledge everything that happens to us is perfect. Everything. Even those little annoyances when you just can’t get the lid on straight!! It’s Susan Jeffers’ chant that “It’s all happening perfectly.” Being able to let go, at every moment, and let it be what it is. Surrendering to whatever is going on.
Things go better with willingness, that’s for sure. I often marvel at what I can accomplish when I’m willing. But no matter what I do, how much I can get done, if I look, I will find below the surface, an element of resignation keeping my hands on the reins. And no matter how willing I may be, I am always susceptible to running straight into that brick wall. That one thing where I say, No! I’m not going any further, I’m no longer willing.
With surrender, there is no limit. There is no stopping point where I can’t surrender any more. I’ve already surrendered everything. In that moment.
I tend to get obsessed with getting everything done. I do set high standards – well, let’s say long lists. But I’ve found I get far more done when I allow life to lead.
The way to do that – to allow that to happen without any guilt or remorse – is to remember it will all get done. All in good time.
“Good Time” means it may fall into another time slot, but it will be rescheduled, soon. With that in place, it’s easier to remain calm, knowing and trusting that you will do it, eventually, in good time. A good boss would understand that, too. Whether that distraction was work-related or personal.
Knowing is the key. We know that if it has to get done, it will. If the intention has been set to do it, we will.
I’m going to practice allowing life to lead today. And rest into knowing that whatever doesn’t get done, I will reschedule for another day. As Paulette Terrels says, “May we do our very best today, and know that it is enough.” All in Good Time.
Some days are better than others, that’s true. But on those days when something in me is screaming, “I doan wanna,” I gotta wonder.
Is this something I need to listen to? Or is it just the child in me exercising her rebellious nature? Okay, maybe I’m weary and need to rest. This thing I’m asking myself might just be one too many.
But, that’s not how it is, I say, “I can do this. I want to do this!” Wouldn’t it be cool if I could get out my Willingness bottle and spray it on? As soon as it seeps in, I would be fully willing to do it. (Even if there were some boundaries, I’d be willing to make my way over them.)
Let’s say I’m tired. The perfume of willingness would allow me to do some, anyway. Try it for 10 or 15 minutes. If it still isn’t flowing, take some notes and schedule another time. But I would feel better if I did something . . . anything.
Perhaps I could whip up an infusion of Willingness. Paulette Terrels’ 30 second break might help:
1. Stop what I’m doing and relax my shoulders.
2. Take two easy, cleansing breaths.
3. Do the Thich Nhat Hanh chant 3 times –
“Breathing in I calm my body, breathing out I smile, dwelling in this present moment I know it is a wonderful moment.”
On the first breath, I think about how happy I am that I can do this simple tactic.
On the second breath, I put on a big smile so I can feel it.
On the third breath I think of something that makes me feel really good so I can smile deeply. Refreshed and renewed, and I hope, more willing to take on what’s in front of me.
This spray-on Will would also help to reveal the fun. With the softer vision of willingness, the fun can shine through!
Another tactic might be to use momentum energy. Keep it going to fuel the fires and keep the home fires burning. If used correctly, the spray could become irrelevant.
Julia Cameron says, though, that you are better motivated by inspiration and excitement, rather than will. Still it couldn’t hurt to dab a bit behind your ears when you need a little boost.
It’s been well established – here and elsewhere – that Feelings are the key to attracting people and situations into your life. It’s the feelings which are the sticky stuff. The timbre or quality of the stickiness is what designates what is being attracted.
I believe in this. I’ve seen proof of it. I use lots and lots of affirmations, I paint vivid pictures, talk a lot about it, write even more, been known to create a focus board or two. All in the pursuit of generating the good feelings I want to, anticipate having, when this thing or person appears in my life.
However, until the situation manifests, I am often faced with the current lay of the land which doesn’t always produce good feelings. It’s very easy to get smacked in the face.
Let’s say I want a new bed. My thoughts are filled with the feeling of how good it will be when I have the new bed! How I’ll dress it up with new sheets. How I’ll rise with a song in my heart! But the truth of the matter is I often get up with a sore back – which chases all those good feelings away. The point being that life has a way of tempering our strong, attractive feelings.
So, it’s incumbent upon us to turn up the volume on our feelings whenever we can. This was Paulette Terrel’s suggestion during our last session. One way she thought of was the Hicks’ Rampage of Appreciation. Which is just what it sounds like: a dedicated, full speed ahead, no holds barred list of everything you’re grateful for. Paulette said I might add why I’m grateful for it, ramping up the intensity even more. Why am I grateful for the sun, my car or all the wonderful people in my life? Being specific in appreciation has a similar effect to being specific in writing. It turns up the volume, making things clearer, more true, It’s like listening to music. Sometimes when you turn the volume up, even a little, it fills the room and your heart, lifting spirits even higher!
How about finding a more juicy way to say it? Instead of, “I want to lose weight,” how about, “I can’t wait until I can wear that sweater!” In place of “I want a new job,” I might say, “I’m keeping my eyes open for a new opportunity!”
Whatever you can do to raise the intensity of the feeling, make it even better, fuller in your heart, the more attractive it will be.
I understand the concept. It’s about energy and vibration. If I’m vibrating with love now, I will attract similar vibrations. If I’m picking at things I don’t care for in my current situation, I’m likely to keep finding things wrong in the next situation. If I don’t harmonize or vibrate the way I want to feel, I’ll never make it to “there.” I need to accept the now with the same feeling I would accept what I want.
But, I’ve been wrestling with this for days. I get caught up in thinking that if I love that which I do not choose, it will become my Then. Doesn’t that kinda figure? It feels wrong (or odd) to say I love this the way it is, if I don’t. I’m frankly nervous about giving my thumbs up, if you will, to things I really choose to change. There is no use telling me that things change because sometimes it feels like they don’t. It sure looks like I’m stuck in the same stuff I’ve been trying to change.
Okay, I know that life is always changing – even if it’s not the way I imagine. I guess what this concept teaches is that it’s about feeling good no matter what and then things will change to meet the new vibration. But how does that work, anyway? Do those good feelings and vibrations transform my life into what I want? How does life know how to change? From my Want? Vision? The Intention? The good vibes? What’s to keep life from staying the same since I seem to be so happy with the way things are now?
Sometimes I feel like I’m trying to wedge good feeling into things that don’t naturally generate them. I know what feels good and this is not it! Maybe I’m straddling the two. Thinking I can somehow lasso the life I have to the life I want. If I pull hard enough they will come together. They have to become one, eventually, don’t they?
Do I need to look at what I Do Not Choose more carefully so I can figure out how to change it? But that leads me to ask,: Why isn’t this change working? What am I doing wrong? No, thank you. That feels like a closed valve, keeping good things from coming my way.
The Positive Slant says, why not? Doesn’t it feel better to love my now AND my then? The Secret, of course, is to love what you have.
Could I live without an intention or a goal, though? Seems hard to me. As Paulette Terrels has said, What if your Purpose is Peace? Or Love? Or even Joy? Rather that this or that _____.
The things I love in my current life don’t have to have anything to do with what I may not “prefer at the moment.” I can base my Joy on Whatever Happens or on things that are connected to the situation only by their flavor – like joy or peace.
A practice might be to find those things that feel good which are not directly connected to the life situation or the thing I do not choose. Not entangling myself in what I do and do not want. Like finding some middle ground between the two. A bridge which could connect them. What are some things I Love about now? Being able to help others. Taking a walk on a beautiful fall day. Thoughts about my future. A drink of cool fresh water. Having time to express my art. Being with people I love. Taking good care of myself. Doing something special for me or my loved ones.
The trick, according to”Conversations with God,” is . . . To choose something while not condemning, but loving too, that which you do not choose. For one thing, this thing I do not choose is what brought me here – closer to that which I Do Want.
The key then is to love whatever is happening, holding my intention lightly. After all, loving life every moment does not lock an otherwise not wanted situation in place. The more I can love whatever is in front of me, the more of that same feeling I’ll get.
In the end, it must be about getting past Do and Do Not Want – into Acceptance of whatever is there. It’s all a Joy, all a ride.
The other day, Paulette Terrels wrote about self care. “When we know that we deserve the very best care, and that it must begin with us, we find our health increased, and our mind more spacious.”
I agree. The better we take care of ourselves, the more magnanimous we become to others. Whereas some would say that spending so much time thinking about yourself is selfish, I find that I am more openly willing to give to others when I feel full and well cared for..
One of the things I love about self care is that there are so many ways to do it. Just the act of making your own list of ways is an exercise in taking good care.
Actions you can take for your own self care run the gamut from a full body, expensive massage to smiling. I like to note and acknowledge when I’ve done something good for myself – getting a little more mileage out of it. Some things I choose are when I moisturize my skin or say no when I really mean it. It might be that I’ve just gotten off my own back.
You only need small bites to begin building your list of ways. It could be a small change you need to make in a task to make it a whole lot easier or more fun. Standing instead of sitting or sitting instead of standing, doing it 15 minutes later, or including music are some simple ways to show that you care. Every time I remember to use music, I’m doing something good fo myself!
The more obvious things we can do for our self care are healthy eating, taking exercise, or spending time outside, in nature. Naps are a favorite one of mine. Even if it’s only five minutes to put up my feet and close my eyes.
I need to have at least a few minutes to journal each day. Others might need to play the piano or sketch. It’s important to include, every day, some time for the things you love to do.
Indulgences are always fun, such as a long hot bath, a favorite dessert, or taking a vacation. But self care can just mean being kind to yourself. Forgiving yourself for what might have appeared to be a mistake. It might be releasing a project that’s been weighing heavily on you, or taking a full lunch hour to eat slowly and quietly.
Once you get started on this game, the ideas will flow – a manicure, pedicure or foot massage. That a/v or computer equipment you’ve been wanting, the piece of clothing or extra pillow you’ve been talking about. Of course you don’t want to break the bank, but even letting yourself know that your desire is worthwhile by saving for it can go a long way to boosting your well being. On the other hand, you don’t want to put off the purchase of something that could make your life easier or better that you can readily afford. I once found myself struggling with a bent litter scoop. It cost about $2.85 to keep me from complaining every time I went to scoop litter.
The point is just to answer the longings of your soul. Listen for ways to make your life easier. Be open for ways to have what you want. You’ll know the true longings of your soul by how they make you feel. If what you want ultimately makes you feel worse or goes against what you’re trying to accomplish, who you’re trying to be, you’ll know that’s the wrong way to go. But as long as you stay tuned into things that are good for you, help you to move forward rather than backwards, those actions will say, “I respect you.”
Stay on the lookout and list those things that you can do to bring on that wonderful feeling that you know you care about yourself. When you can rest into that knowledge, you will no longer need to depend on others for it.
After an especially good coaching session with Paulette Terrels, we discovered that I seem to have a need to make a fuss and complain about things. I don’t do it all the time and it’s usually not vocal. Certainly, I’ve made progress and it’s breaking up. But through that deeper awareness, I routed out a deeply held belief which has been quiet, but steadfast. I’m not sure if I can fully get my head around it, but I’m going to try.
I know it does me no good to dwell on the negative. And I’m usually quick to shift gears, aware that the complaining blocks my progress toward allowing what I want to flow. I have experienced this in action when I do allow the good feelings and thoughts to take over. When I rest easy and trust it will happen. Things work out so much better. Just recently, I marked a weekend on my calendar to go to the beach. I didn’t know how I was going to get there, where I would go, etc. But an invitation came the Monday before.
And, yet, even as I write this, I want to moan and complain about something and find a crutch. I feel the negative tendencies holding me back, pulling me down, poking holes in my positive energy, making a mess of everything. Still, I cling to it, as if it were a life raft.
Why? That is the question. Maybe I think people won’t like me or resent me if I’m too happy, too cheerful. Perhaps I worry that I’ll miss something I need to see. That I’m somehow being lazy or irresponsible if I don’t take a “cold, hard look at what’s wrong.” I either won’t know what to change or otherwise neglect my need. What if I fall asleep to my desire to change? Some may take the view that I’m not really looking at the reality unless I see the negative. (I guess it doesn’t matter that I’ve spent years seeing only the negative and skimming over the positive. Or like it wouldn’t be a good idea to try it the other way around.) I must think that I will somehow “forget” what it is I want to change. Another thought might be that the grumpies provide “proof” that I need things to change. I’m not sure about all this. I suspect there’s even more to the story, deeper along.
Sometimes, just hearing the possible reasons (or seeing them) can help to blow them away. I do know that much of this is nonsense. It doesn’t wipe it all away, but it can help when faced with it to remember that it’s not really true.
When I get stuck in this muck of negativity, it’s hard to extricate myself. It usually takes someone else – like a coach – to point out where I am. When I’m in it, I’m not aware of these reasons. I just have a sinking feeling that I must pay attention, hold onto the gripes, or I won’t get what I want. Now, I might be a little more aware of the reasons that I can let go of.
The Good Truth is that as soon as I realize where I am, I can step out of that pile, wipe off my shoes and put my feet into cool water. Then, pick up something that feels better and keep on going.
“The universe is ingenious in the ways it can help you. Let it.” — Alan Cohen
I just love this quote! How wonderful its message. I especially enjoy the choice of the word “ingenious.” M-W uses words to describe it like, discernment, discovery, inventing, originality, resourcefulness and cleverness. The origins of the word speak to it being “natural capacity.”
It warms my heart to think the Universe is doing all these delicious things for me. And all I have to do is “let it.”
I’m all about Surrender these days. It is a wonderful practice, though a constant one. I keep seeing my teacher, Paulette Terrels, twirling her palms up and out. “Keep surrendering, releasing,” she says.
Surrender is often misunderstood as inactivity. Truthfully, it has nothing to do with the bodying doing or not doing. It’s an attitude, a state of mind, which keeps saying, “Okay. This is the way it is.”
I suppose it starts to get deep into spiritual soil. Surrender asks you to trust in a higher power. “Turning our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand Him,” says Alcoholics Anonymous. I always find, though, when I do, miracles abound! The more I release, the better it gets.
It has to begin with my Intention. What is it I really want? Then, turning it over to the Universe to guide, to show me the way. After all, the Universe is far more ingenious than I am!
Do you have stories of miracles from surrender you’d like to share?
Seems an odd way to go about things. But check this out:
What if you asked yourself questions for the day? How many people can I serve today? Whether that’s by taking action for someone or just smiling, holding the door or nodding.
You might ask yourself – how am I feeling today? What could I do to feel better/even better? It’s always a good idea to ask that question several times throughout the day. How am I doing now? It makes you pause and return to the present moment. You must pay attention in the now to know how you’re feeling.
Perhaps you’re working on a project, a dream or a goal. You might ask: What can I do today (or now) to move this ahead?
Questions can come in handy when you’re learning something. Ask for clarity or voice a supposition. You’ll be surprised how much you can expand from doing that.
Sometimes asking questions of others can be a little scary. I know I often shy away. So it’s a good way to practice being more assertive. If you’ve got a burning question, ask it. You know, they say, there are no stupid questions. I’m of the belief that it’s far more stupid not to ask questions. Questioning means you’re thinking. You can’t know everything.
Paulette Terrels, in her “Whispering” today asked, “What are your plans for today? Who will you share your generous heart with? Can you find the sacred in the simple things?” Good questions. She tells us that “life is lived within our questions.” Those questions can shape how our day will go. Paulette further challenges us to be open to receive the answers we get.
Ahh, now that’s an important piece. What are the answers? Where are they? Could we find them in the present moment, in flashes of Grace, in the chance hearing of a lyric that grabs you, in the kind words of a friend?
I plan to design my days around some conscious questions. How about you?
The Positive Slant On the Path 