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As I am working A Course in Miracles through Chris Cade, I’ve found this intriguing idea: “Forgiveness is our only function.” This is a powerful notion and something that could change a person’s life forever. The Course is saying that we all hold the power of salvation in us through our forgiveness. Is this really all we have to do? To find out, I thought it would pay to take a deeper look at forgiveness. What is it anyway?
There are a lot of ways to look at it. One way is to see it as letting go of the past. Marianne Williamson called it, “a discernment between what is real and what is not real.” In legal terms it means releasing, giving up rights. Yes, I can see that: releasing the right to hold onto this thing that happened in the past. Forgiveness is about: healing, renouncing, and setting free – both you and the person or circumstance that harmed you.
It is most assuredly tied to surrender and faith. Forgiveness is a surrendering and acceptance of what happened. It asks you to surrender, or give up of all the stories you’ve been telling about it over and over. Releasing your need to be right or justified in your actions.
Forgiveness asks you to have faith that the other is far more than all the things she thinks she is. Because you know she is more than she thinks she was capable of being when she hurt you. It’s a leap of faith to say I believe there is innocence in all people. No matter what they’ve done. To be willing to see through what is apparent to what all of us are at our core: innocent. In many cases it takes faith to see beyond all a person’s stuff to who he really is. To see beyond the offence.
I like thinking of forgiveness as seeing through misunderstanding to innocence or at least understanding. I’ve been tossing around this notion of doubt around forgiveness. That if you understood that you never need doubt the other’s completeness, worthiness, and innocence, you wouldn’t need to forgive. So it becomes a matter of seeing more clearly, the innocent person beyond, who is just scared, hurt or unknowing. Just another soul – made of the same stuff as me and the entire Universe.
Neale Donald Walsch warned us that God will never forgive us for anything. No matter what we’ve done, how we plead and cry and moan. Because in God’s eyes we have never done anything to forgive. We, on the other hand, have plenty of work to do in forgiving ourselves and others. A Course in Miracles talks of “grievances.” Our unforgivens are loaded with them.
Maybe this is how God wants to use us: As instruments of forgiveness. What amazing things that can do us and the rest of the world!
Forgiveness lightens our burdens. Whenever we forgive, ourselves or others, we lose some weight off our shoulders. Life becomes easier. We can feel safer, more at ease. Protected.
Forgiveness is extremely healing to the body. There are those in the healing profession who say that all illness, of all kinds, is linked to an unforgiven. It’s damaging to our physical bodies to hold onto stuff that should long ago have been released. There are science-backed reports of those who have been cured by forgiving. Forgiveness is powerful stuff. Anyone who has let go of a big one will testify how healing it can be to forgive. Perhaps forgiveness is our best medicine.
What a concept that forgiveness is our only function! Something the Dalai Llama expresses so beautifully in everything His Holiness does, no matter what has happened.
I have always fancied the notion that our function is to expand our capacity to love. I liked that idea. But isn’t that what forgiving is all about? Expanding our capacity to love and accept? And in the process, gaining more clarity. I feel the best thing you can do for someone else, the way to give them the most love is to accept them for exactly who they are, at this moment. That feeling of being accepted for who you are, not judged for anything, is a pretty groovy way to feel. Forgiveness does that. It’s a perfect vehicle for spreading love.
Many people bristle at the notion of forgiveness. As if it means to condone actions that are hurtful and are otherwise inappropriate behavior. Maybe they could see it simply as a release of something from your own heart. It is something that happened in the past. It comes nowhere near saying that it was okay. (There is a wide gap between forgiveness and trust.) Just that you are choosing to put it down. To stop telling stories about it. To stop letting it affect your present moment. Refusing to forgive is all about the other person or thing and what it did or didn’t do to you. (Or the horrible thing you did or didn’t do.)
Forgiveness has nothing to do with the other person. (Save for the incident that triggered it.) The person need not be in front of you, on this planet, or by all means even “worthy” of it. You are simply releasing the guilt, ceasing to tell about how you were wronged. Giving it up. You can’t change what’s happened. And no amount of clinging to your hurt feelings will erase it. In the case of a loved one, it’s likely that whatever they’ve done, you’ve probably done yourself.
Forgiveness is seeing through to the person who did the best they could with what they had to work with – what they knew, how they felt about themselves, what fears or wounds they carried. (That doesn’t mean you have to let the person back in your life or your house.) It merely clears the way between you. It allows you to release the burden you’ve been carrying in that unforgiven. It’s a heavy load. You realize that if that person had been connected to his or her true self, neither of them would’ve done that hurtful thing.
I, personally, find it easier to forgive others than myself. Being my constant companion, I have borne witness to all my misdeeds, missteps and betrayals. Often times judging myself harsher in the situation than the wronged party. There’s a lot more on my ledger sheet! It boggles the mind what I could do if I let go of all those grievances!
Maybe something this Big could be our only function.
Please let me know your thoughts on forgiveness.
I’ve been playing around with surrender lately. Thought it’s particularly appropriate in my situation right now, I do believe it’s an important concept.
Surrender, as I’m talking of it, simply means to accept what you find in your life. A wise friend pointed out that surrender without positive action attached is merely giving up. I prefer the idea of giving in. Getting in the flow of what’s happening and letting it take you. That doesn’t mean you can’t paddle or flap your wings, or look out for obstacles in the way. It’s just that you stop fighting the current and allow it to work for you instead of against you.
1) Surrender to the Daily Trip Ups
The best place to practice surrendering is with the little things. When you didn’t get the flavor you really wanted. Or when the lid doesn’t fit, the printer isn’t behaving, the kids are bouncing off the walls. You have a choice. You can get pissed off, rant to yourself or anyone who will listen about how that’s just another sign that life is out to get you, things never go your way, you should’ve . . . (or whatever such babble might come up that makes you feel bad). Or you can surrender to the fact that the kids are just playing, that this is not the right lid, or the printer needs some attention. Tell yourself that it’s all for the best. Maybe today is strawberry. Tomorrow could be blueberry. Use the small things to practice for the bigger ones.
2) Surrender to the Moment
It’s quite easy and possible to stop and surrender to this moment. It only takes one breath. I find this extremely helpful in the holiday season. When things get to moving too fast or too loud, if you take a breath and see what’s around you, you might find some good stuff. Even if there’s nothing going on and it’s quiet. Whatever is happening, surrender to it. Just this one moment.
3) Surrender When There’s Nothing You Can Do
Keep an eye out for those things that you truly can’t do anything about. At least not now. They’re not so hard to surrender to. Simply acknowledging that there’s nothing you can do about it can kick you into surrender gear. The rent’s due, but it’s Sunday and there’s nothing you can do about it today. So “Don’t worry. Be Happy.” Just accept it. You can take your positive action tomorrow. The Dalai Lama said, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”
4) Surrender to Your Right to Shine Your Light
We all have something to shine. It’s not really a right, I just liked the rhyme of it. It’s more like a purpose or even an obligation. I believe that we are all put on this Earth to share our light. The light that’s inside of us. That’s not exactly easy. But if we practice with this thought, maybe we can learn to let it shine!
5) Surrender When You Feel Caught
If you find yourself stuck in resistance or obstinance or anger, or a meeting that won’t stop, just breathe out and realize you’re there. Take a moment to ask yourself, “Can I accept this situation as it is? Do I have a choice?” This is where you are.
6) Surrender to the Joy
I happen to believe it is a Loving Universe. If I allow myself to see all the joy around me, I’m reminded of that. Surrender to the hot bath, the loving embrace, a good meal. There’s so much in this world to enjoy! It may be hard to surrender to a bleak situation, but not so hard to surrender to what’s good. Practice where you can.
7) Surrender to God
Caroline Myss said of surrender that it’s about saying to God, “You choose, I’ll follow.” Knowing that we don’t know it all and can’t see the whole picture. We can trust in and surrender to God.
I read a sad, but interesting story recently in Caroline Myss’ legendary book, “The Anatomy of the Spirit.” In it, Caroline indicated that though the person in the story was willing, it wasn’t the same as surrendering. I love those shades of meaning from a linguistic point of view. But, if you notice your body when you say, “I am willing,” versus “I surrender,” you may see that there is a physical difference between the two, as well.
When you are willing, you’re geared up, you’re leaning forward, you’re ready, you might even be gritting your teeth. Isn’t that often accompanied by a desire to do something, maybe even to get something for it? What’s really going on, though, could be closer to resigning to it. I’m willing to do it, because it’s for my own good, I know it will turn out for the best … When you surrender, it’s like letting out a long breath. You sink in, you relax, you release, you give up.
We all so love to be in control. I, myself, am quite fond of predictability. I like having some idea what’s going to happen next. And I’ve found that need for predictability can be present whether you’re a home-based worker, a 50 hour a week employee, a new mother, or a trust fund baby. We are so often scrambling to build predictability into our lives. It’s hard to give up control, even when we really don’t need to hold on so tightly.
This Surrendering certainly entails faith on some level. Can we say a willingness to surrender? Paulette Terrels often speaks of being willing to be willing. That is certainly a step on the journey. But we just haven’t crossed the threshold until we are ready to surrender. When we can acknowledge everything that happens to us is perfect. Everything. Even those little annoyances when you just can’t get the lid on straight!! It’s Susan Jeffers’ chant that “It’s all happening perfectly.” Being able to let go, at every moment, and let it be what it is. Surrendering to whatever is going on.
Things go better with willingness, that’s for sure. I often marvel at what I can accomplish when I’m willing. But no matter what I do, how much I can get done, if I look, I will find below the surface, an element of resignation keeping my hands on the reins. And no matter how willing I may be, I am always susceptible to running straight into that brick wall. That one thing where I say, No! I’m not going any further, I’m no longer willing.
With surrender, there is no limit. There is no stopping point where I can’t surrender any more. I’ve already surrendered everything. In that moment.
“The universe is ingenious in the ways it can help you. Let it.” — Alan Cohen
I just love this quote! How wonderful its message. I especially enjoy the choice of the word “ingenious.” M-W uses words to describe it like, discernment, discovery, inventing, originality, resourcefulness and cleverness. The origins of the word speak to it being “natural capacity.”
It warms my heart to think the Universe is doing all these delicious things for me. And all I have to do is “let it.”
I’m all about Surrender these days. It is a wonderful practice, though a constant one. I keep seeing my teacher, Paulette Terrels, twirling her palms up and out. “Keep surrendering, releasing,” she says.
Surrender is often misunderstood as inactivity. Truthfully, it has nothing to do with the bodying doing or not doing. It’s an attitude, a state of mind, which keeps saying, “Okay. This is the way it is.”
I suppose it starts to get deep into spiritual soil. Surrender asks you to trust in a higher power. “Turning our will and lives over to the care of God as we understand Him,” says Alcoholics Anonymous. I always find, though, when I do, miracles abound! The more I release, the better it gets.
It has to begin with my Intention. What is it I really want? Then, turning it over to the Universe to guide, to show me the way. After all, the Universe is far more ingenious than I am!
Do you have stories of miracles from surrender you’d like to share?
Everybody is talking about Self Care. Readers of this Blog know that I’m a big proponent of this important cause. I contend that a large part of it is in how you talk to yourself. Self talk can make or break your Self Care program. When you are the observer of your thoughts you are in the realm of Now. (And we all know how vital and powerful that is!)
So, observation is key. It only takes a moment to be aware. Once you hear what you’re saying, you have the opportunity to be proactive in your self-care.
Sometimes I stop and ask myself, “Is this what I really want to be doing right now?” If I answer that it isn’t, I’m only going to cause myself suffering. Instead I can turn it into an opportunity to say, “Yes.” And allow myself to be more present to what I’m doing, rather than questioning it.
Another favorite question is: “Am I doing this well enough?” This is where I can really step up and be on my side. If I remember that I can love myself like I would a friend, I turn that thought on its ear. What a wonderful way to show that I love and care about myself! Close those thoughts down. Tell them to take a hike.
How about “Am I doing the right thing, moving in the right direction?” I like to use this as practice in trusting. Surrendering to whatever I’m doing. That is the only place I can hear new instructions as to where to go next. If I’m constantly questioning myself I’ll never get anywhere. That’s a lousy way to treat myself.
I am going to listen to what I’m saying and change the thought if it doesn’t support me in joy and acceptance. I think that’s a very good way to take good care.
This summer I learned to Kayak. I’m not sure if the metaphor is exactly the right one, but let’s see ~
Recently, in my life, there have been some choppy seas. Car trouble, lots going on at work, things like that. Nothing too serious, but enough when I’m hot and tired, to wobble my foundation.
I went Kayaking on a lovely, still lake. But if the stories are true, a kayak can get you through pretty rough waters.
The key, as in life, must be to stay calm, to not fight the tide. If you start to panic you might lose your oar or capsize. Neither of which would be a good thing if the water is rushing. We all function much better when we have a firm hand on our lives and remain upright.
I believe that life sometimes brings us these waves as practice for keeping our center.
We cannot overlook the surrender piece. If the waves are tossing you about, fighting it doesn’t help. I don’t think it would be wise to actually relax when you’re kayaking in rough water, but a certain amount of give is advisable. You need to roll with the water or it will toss you aside, like a housecleaner sweeping away the dust.
In this semi-relaxed state, eye on what’s ahead, and a firm hand on the oar, you can ride the rapids and come out on the other side – perhaps a bit wet – but still on a steady keel.
I tend to get caught up in waiting on others. I need this one to do something before I can continue what I’m doing. If another does his part, then I will know how to proceed. I hope this person will be able to help me. If she’ll let me, I’d like to do that for her. Sometimes I feel like I can’t move until others take action.
I’m coming to see that I could wait forever. At some point, I have to let go and allow life to move as it will. And take my steps with or without the others’ input. I will, eventually, move the person by my action. If I don’t do it, it may be possible that no one ever will.
They say that it’s better to take action and be wrong (love and lose) than not to take action at all (not love at all). Some of my deepest regrets are surely the times I didn’t do something, actions I didn’t take.
I think it requires some surrender and trust that everything will be fine. Life may not hand out guarantees on that, though. But I know that whatever I’m pursuing will have a much better chance of being fine if I have faith and move ahead anyway.
Today, I’ve posted a Love Letter to my web site. It’s about opening to Guidance. Please click here to read it.
From the book and workbook, “Living In the Light,” by Shakti Gawain
Shakti defines spirit and form like this, “Our Spirit is the creative energy of the universe which moves through us to manifest in the world. Our Form is our physical body, our mind and our personality – the medium through which our spirit moves.”
The problem is that what they seek is often in conflict. The spirit wants expression, change, a bigger life, while the form wants safety and security, and for things to remain the same. Shakti says this explains how we can be conscious and strong one day and lost and panicking the next.
So many of us spend most of our lives feeling lost and dissatisfied, no matter what we have. Shakti tells us it’s because of “our lack of connection to our spirit.” Our spirit and form are working against each other. Often, the only time we can regain that connection is when we give up and surrender. That’s the point where we can bring these two into alignment.
You can have it either way. You can focus on your spirit and keep it from ever having to be dragged down by the form. (Frankly, the form keeps us alive and functioning, so you can’t really do that for long.) If it’s all about form, you carry that burden of “I can’t get no satisfaction.”
Shakti wants us to “recognize and feel” both sides. Secondly, we need to love and accept these seemingly opposite sides of ourselves. “It’s frustrating,” Shakti warns, “to see that your form can’t do all your spirit wants to yet. But it’s important to appreciate it as it is now and allow the integration to take place at its own pace.” Sigh. Well, that’s life, isn’t it?
Like all of this, it’s about listening to your inner voice and following its guidance. This will build trust. “The more the form surrenders to and moves with the spirit, the more enlightened and empowered it will become.” There’s that surrender again!
Up comes this notion about will – that will is not about gritting teeth and moving forward. But more about knowing and allowing. Watch what happens when you’re too afraid to follow your intuition. Try to tell the truth about what you can and can’t do. But don’t forget to be easy on yourself. The more you can keep judgements out of it, the easier it will be to see when you are following the right voice. That will build trust in your ability to hear and heed guidance and your willingness to follow it.
Exercise 9 is another 3 column exercise in the workbook.
In the first column, is What I Desire to Do – what your soul longs to do, like take a wonderful vacation to an exotic place, or save the environment, or be a famous singer. Then list what you are doing now to make this happen. In the third column, come up with a step you can take toward expressing this desire.
I was surprised to find that I am taking steps toward many of the things I desire. This is probably thanks to Dream Boogie. Others I feel okay about not pursuing right now – like building my dream house. I continue to envision it and think about having it, but it doesn’t feel like the time to start drawing up plans. I don’t need an Aston Martin at this particular place and time, either. If I have the time, I might do a little online research to be sure it’s the DB9 I want and maybe choose my color. I could find a picture of it to hang on my wall. But, otherwise, I think it can sit for the time being.
One of my desires is to have my writing touch lots of hearts. I hope that I’m doing that by posting to this Blog and searching for more readers.
There are also some heroes (and heroines) that I would like to meet someday. I am, as it turns out, actively seeking them out through my business, UpWrite Words. As for my dream of being a published author? Check. I work on that regularly as I prepare a book proposal.
This exercise made me feel good about the ways I’m working to integrate my form and spirit.
Can you list 10 things you desire to do?
If I may, I’d like to add a short piece to my post on Surrender from yesterday. In Chellie Campbell’s book, “The Wealthy Spirit,” Chellie shares this poem that speaks to this practice of Surrender ~
As children bring their broken toys
With tears for us to mend,
I brought my broken dreams to God,
Because He was my friend.
But then instead of leaving Him
In peace to work alone,
I hung around and tried to help,
With ways that were my own.
At last I snatched them back and cried,
“How can you be so slow?”
“My child, “ He said, “What could I do?
You never did let go!”
– Unknown
The Positive Slant On the Path 