Using What You Got

I’ve had a thought recently that I need to be using what I’ve got.  But I wonder what, exactly, that means?

Perhaps the first thought might be about using my talents to achieve my goals.  That seems kind of obvious.  Is it possible I have other things I can use like resources, connections, and knowledge, too?

What about my tools, supplies and equipment?  Most of which are within arm’s reach, requiring no expenditure or effort to use.

There are other things I can use that are not as readily apparent.  Within the categories of resources, connections and knowledge, have I trully mined all that’s there?  In the back of my closet could be just what I need: Something I learned in business class many years ago.  Or someone I did something for last year who might be just the person I need right now.

This gets me sharpened to notice all the little things I have that can make the journey easier.  Music, for instance.  Pandora or various listening devices.  I only have to remember them. There are tricks of the trade that I’ve learned, support I had forgotten about.  An exercise that could reveal the exact piece of information I’d been missing.  Have I tried that resource over there, yet?

In all of this, it’s important to think in terms of all I have that I can give to others.  Most of these things I can share.  My time, my expertise, my concern can also be offered.  I have plenty of encouragement that I can give generously, at almost any time.  To myself and others.

I believe there is help wherever you look. The answer to a burning question might be uttered in the next movie I see.  Or a tossed off comment I overhear.  The secret is to stay open for precisely what is needed.

It’s kind of sexy, isn’t it?  A person who uses what he or she has.  It’s not about being self-reliant, but interdependent.  Like infrastructure excites some folks, interdependency does the same thing to me.

Using what you have feels like integrity to me.  Whole.  Using everything you can to enhance and expand your capacities.

In networking we learn to turn over every stone, contact everyone we can think of.  That our networks are no longer separate.  My friends, my colleagues, my comrades, all are my network and all a resource for me.  And I can be for them.

I want to use what I have to more fully give and receive.

Turning it Around

Just this past week, I saw a pattern of mine.  People say they’re going to help me and for one reason or another, it doesn’t happen.  I can’t blame them because there has been a dizzying array of faces in this place for me.  It can’t be anyone’s fault but mine:   this even happens to me when the person hasn’t offered a thing.

Let’s say I have an issue.  I see that I have arrangements to meet with several people over the next few days who could offer some good perspective.  Lo and behold, the dates get cancelled, or I show up and the other person has something more important to talk about and my issue never even reaches the table.

This is clearly all about me and my pattern.  Why, I would tend to wonder, upon seeing this unfold once again, do I thwart myself like this?  With this latest go-round, I’d say I might have even expected it.  Don’t I want the help?  Of course I do.  Then, why?

Nothing.  Why would I do this to myself?  I can’t think of a reason. Okay, what if I take the positive slant and turn it around?  What if I ask instead, “What am I trying to help myself see?”  What would I do or say if I was going to use this a lesson?

When I phrased it that way, 3 things came to me:

1) Quite clearly, life is trying to tell me to just figure it out by myself and stop expecting others to do it for me. Conversations with God Book 1 says that there is no sin – except maybe to take someone else’s word for it.

2) That doesn’t mean I don’t need the help and support of others from time to time.  So maybe I can  be more proactive about getting help.  I’m the one who’s asking for it, after all.  Don’t let it slide.  Stay with it until I find the answer to the question I seek.  Get clear on what it is I want to know. The more specific I am, the more likely I am to get an answer. I might also try to ask for one thing at a time, instead of a general ~ I need help with this issue.

3) Be sure I follow through on my offers to help others.  It always pays to act the way you want others to act.  Like attracts like.  What goes around, comes around.  I have found in matters such as these, that it is not however, necessarily, the path you are expecting it to be.  (Networking, I believe, works on the same principle.)  You may be talking to one person, but that energy can spread to others.  Lots of others. You never know from where unexpected help may come.

In the end it just doesn’t matter if, in fact, I was thwarting myself because of some fear of success or deep down I’m afraid of what they will say or what I will need to do about it . . .   Waste of time.  That’s just an ugly quagmire.

This way, instead of kicking myself, wallowing in self pity or feeling myself a loser, a victim, afraid, I have an action plan for how I can move forward.

Support or Drain

When you begin to make choices for what items stay and which go in your home,

your vision becomes clearer and

you will start to see which actions support you and which drain.

This leads to picking more consciously what you will and will not let into your life.

Eventually you will see your life filled with things that support you,
rather than zap your energy.

This would then spill over into honoring yourself more

by making healthier, more supportive choices for You

for Others

and for the Universe

Amen!

Principle 11 Mutual Support Increases Your Power

From the book, “The Energy of Money,” by Maria Nemeth, Ph.D.

As promised this week is all about support.  Maria says, “Behind every great success is a team of supporters.”  I have also found this to be true.

We are energetic beings. And we are all connected.  The giving and taking energy is what created us and what sustains us.  What are we without others to interact with?

There is much we can do on our own, but there is not one of us who hasn’t felt scared or unsure at one time, or many.  When you’re in that state, it’s not easy to bring yourself out of it.  It’s like trying to pull yourself out of quick sand.  You, literally, don’t have the footing.

Others can give us the courage we need when we feel we don’t have it.  They can remind us of the promises we’ve made and lift the mirror so we can see all we are and have to give.

It is my experience that people love to talk about what they know.  I am in awe of the generosity of my writing support team.  There is never any hesitation or competition among writers.

Must of us want to help each other and are eager to share what we have.  The water can get murky when we don’t know what to give.  I have often struggled with trying to give someone something they didn’t want or need.  I’ve had many do the same to me. One of the challenges I face in this give and take game is that I don’t always know exactly what I want or need.  How can I possibly know what others want?

So, step 1 in getting support is to figure out what you need.  I think that makes it so much easier to ask. That is the second step (and one many people have difficulty with).  You are unlikely to (or you leave it up to chance to) get the support you really want if  you don’t ask for it.  Step 3, to connect the two, is to receive.  I was surprised to find how difficult that is for me. SARK says most of us are far more used to giving. You need to stay open to receive and allow the other person to give.  Finally, to complete the exchange, say thanks; let the other person know.

Some people think it’s selfish to ask for help.  But this process is always of mutual benefit.  Maria says, “letting others know their value to us is far more precious than any gift you could buy them.”  Self esteem, Maria reminds us, comes from creating value for others.  Does anything feel better than that?

Maria also wants to warn us that support is different from co-dependency.  In co-dependency the other is trying to fix us.  Notice how the help feels.  Does it make you feel empowered or lacking?

Exercise: Getting Support on Your Hero’s Journey.
Maria asks us first to take a look at our structure of knowing about getting support.  Be willing to go beyond that.

Here are some qualities of a good support team person:
* Genuinely supportive
* Someone you like and trust who cannot be manipulated
* Someone who will not manipulate or collude with you in talking about what you don’t have
* Ruthless compassion in reminding you of your promises
* Without a vested interested in the outcome

1. Make a list of the people who have these qualities.
2.  If you come up short, Maria assures us that the act of thinking about how to “give and get quality support” will open us to ideas.  Allow yourself time to ponder, if necessary.  (Really, I’d say, one or two is sufficient to get started.  For this exercise, you only need one person.)
3. Choose a project in which you are willing to be supported. (I like the way she says that.)
4.  Of the people on your list, ask, “Am I willing to let this person have success in supporting me?”  Maria suggests looking at the ways you have used in the past to avoid support.  See how you have kept yourself from moving forward on this project.  It may be uncomfortable to look at that, but the results of doing so will be well worth it.
5.  Within 48 hours, ask one of the people on your list  for help.  You might share with them the ways you have used to get out of it doing it in the past.
6.  Tell the person about the project and make a promise to do a specific Authentic Action in the next two days. This action should be a bit of a stretch, but one you are relatively sure you can do.  Success breeds success.  Tell the person to call you to support you before you do it, or afterwards to celebrate it.
7.  She says you might give the other person your Standards of Integrity so he or she can throw them in your face if you’re not following them.
8.  Tell the truth!  If you haven’t done it, say so. Restate your promise and try again.  Keep coming back.
9.  Acknowledge each other.
10.  If you want to, make another promise.
Maria, of course, adds to write about any thoughts or feelings that come up.

The rest of the chapter goes into detailed instructions of how to create a success group.  Here are the questions she wants you to answer:
1.  What specific qualities am I willing to contribute to the group session so that all of us will be successful?
2.  Am I willing to dismantle my structures of knowing?
3.  Am I willing to use everything that goes on in the group session as a personal lesson for myself?
4.  Am I willing to listen to the support others in the group offer?  Even if I do not agree with what they are saying . . . especially if I do not agree with it?  It’s possible you are being defensive.  Check for that.

This “Sturdy Platform of Support” as SARK calls it, according to Maria will, “Feed you the energy to go beyond where you would normally stop yourself.”  And that’s how we can all be successful. Here’s to moving forward!

Next week – Gratitude, ahhh!