The Simple Choice

On this path, as you relinquish your judgements and realize that things are not inherently right or wrong, it makes it harder to choose.  It appears that we, as a species, or at least a country, tend to be lazy about making choices.  We all face so many in a day!  There’s this beautiful thing about life, though: You can make a choice not to choose and life will still go on.  If you don’t make a choice, one will be made for you.

But I want to be at Cause in my life, I want to co-create and in order to do that, I have to make choices.  But, how do I know what to do?  It’s hard to know exactly what’s best for me in all situations. What is right? The answer to whether something is “right” or “wrong” lies within.  Not in what happens, but in how I feel about it.

It must come down to the fact that it doesn’t really matter what I choose.  Any choice is fine.  If it turns out not to be for my best good (and I will know that by the way I feel) I can just make another choice.

Maybe it’s just that simple.

Do You Hear What I Hear?

There are so many things calling.  Pulling in a zillion different ways.  There are those calls I have to make, the errands to run, emails to return, this to work on, these things to tend to. Whoops!  Don’t forget that. Oh, and what about the stacks of mending awaiting my time and attention?  Is it Christmas already?  I still have packages to wrap. And look, Aunt Mabel showed up!  Where will she sleep? What about all those newsletters and bits of information to read?  The emails continue to pile up.  And the laundry.

Internally there are voices, too.  A running commentary about yourself, your spouse, your kids, your parents, how you did, how you will do, the weather . . . Most of the time it’s easier to ignore most of it.

Sometimes I think this instant access to answers of all kinds, from millions of sources doesn’t help much. The telephone’s ringing and the television offers hundreds of options.  There is no lack of things to choose from, no dearth of distractions to keep us incredibly diffused.  Unless you’ve been spending your time atop a mountain, it’s unlikely you get more than a small portion of your day to focus quietly on anything.  Most of us are expert multi-taskers. It’s easy to see how a person could have to shut down in some places in order to keep up.

So, what are you going to listen to?  Where do you put your trust?  How do you know which of the million answers to your search you should take?  Which politician really speaks for you?  What spiritual author has all the answers?  How do I know which expert to follow?

I believe that each of has, inside our heads at all times, a voice that offers guidance.  It is buried under all that noise.  It is a quiet and unassuming voice.  It does not yell or demand.  You can tell it by its calmness. And that it never criticizes or judges.  It just quietly guides you. It’s loving and accepting. You’ll know it by how it makes you feel.

You develop it by listening to it.  Heeding its guidance.  You may, from time to time, find you’ve listened to the wrong voice.  When it feels Right, in your gut, you know you have it.  But practice will give you more skill at recognizing it.  When it makes you feel good and worthy, it’s likely to be that voice.  But you are free to test it out and see which voice feels the best.

Open your internal browser and seek answers and direction.  Use the inboard guidance system of feelings to lead you to it.  When you do, you will find a single source you can go to.  One that will support you well and help you make good choices.  Then you can pick which of the million results is right for you.

This process is especially good for teenagers.  Learning how to separate the urges that feel right, that spread warmly across your chest or settle broadly in your gut. Those that seem like they would be good for you and maybe others, too.  Leaving behind the fearful longings that someone won’t like you if you don’t do what they say.  Or that excited, risky feeling that doesn’t seem to have much in the way of positive results.

Imagine the good choices you could make if you had one source you could trust.

The Call of the Workaholic

Part 1 of 2

Susan Jeffers, in her book, “End the Struggle and Dance with Life,” talks at length about being a workaholic.  I figured that if I was addicted to work, I’d have more money right now or achieved more.  But in pondering it I think that most of us, whether we are willing to carry the sign of addict or not, have issues around work.

My particular addiction entails always needing to be busy.  Not necessarily in income-producing activities, but that’s important, too.  Susan calls it a poverty fear.  I don’t know, but I do tend to feel guilty if I’m not doing something.  Even when I try to take a day “off,” I’m doing household chores or long put off personal projects.

If you find yourself in a cycle around work where you’d prefer not to be, Susan has some intriguing question to ask yourself: “What am I trying to mask?  What am I trying to avoid?  What am I frightened to look at in myself?”

When we over work it may be because we’re afraid of the quiet.  Are your thoughts trying to tell you something that you’re not listening to?  Work is a perfect way to mask that.  If you’re too busy, you can’t take the time to get quiet and listen – much less act on what your thoughts are hoping you will do.

If I try I can hear a slave driver in my head saying I must keep busy.  Other voices might push you since you have others to support.  Or because you want to live a better lifestyle.  Maybe it’s telling you to go back to school and get your degree or learn how to play the clarinet.  It could be telling you to slow down and have some fun or just rest.  You’re likely to find that something isn’t getting proper attention in some part of your life.  It’s very easy to fill that with work (or whatever).  Under all that chatter and busy-ness is  an imbalance at the heart of it.  Something’s missing.

It may be difficult, but it is wise to find the time to get quiet and listen to what you’re saying to yourself.  Don’t be afraid.  It’s just you in there.  You may find that it’s not true at all. That you’d really rather work than learn to play the clarinet. That was something you wanted to do years ago.  It’s all up to you.  But if you find you’re working too hard or stressing too much because you haven’t given enough time to your creative side or that you need to rest more, this is very valuable information.

Susan gives us more questions to ask at this point: “How can I make myself feel good enough?  How can I begin creating more balance and trust?  How can I fill the emptiness?

I love how, once you figure out what’s going on, there are always these practical solutions. Identify the problem and then find ways to solve it. See what is and do what works.

So, you have this imbalance.  Some things are not getting the time and attention they are calling for. So what are you going to do about it?  How do you choose to deal with this situation?  What can you do to make things right?  If you will allow yourself time to think about this, the answers are right there, in your head. Calling out to you.

 

Right or Wrong

What do you do when you come to a stage in your evolution when you know that nothing is inherently right or wrong?  How, then, do you choose?

As usual, it comes down to how you feel. This is the time to get quiet and look inside for the answer. The tricky piece is – extending the injustice discussion – to find a place to stand where you can love that which you do Not choose.

It is only from that place where a good choice can be activated.  It’s highly unlikely that you will change anyone’s mind or direction by arguing and stressing what you think is Right simply by choosing a different way. When you demand that your choice is the right one, it only makes the other side stand up stronger for their way.

I have found that most people believe  their choices are Right. They may have even checked their feelings and told the truth about what they see, just like I did.  There’s no guarantee that my choice is really right. The “wrong” side is just as sure and committed as I am. So, an adversarial stance is not the most effective place from which to make your choice.

The more evolved way is to make that choice from a place of love for what you don’t choose. To understand the other’s side, knowing it is not inherently wrong, it is just not what you choose in the moment. Tomorrow, you may decide to make another choice.

When you choose in this way, you can begin to meld with the choice you don’t make, and be closer to what the Buddha called, The Middle Way. With enough practice, right and wrong can begin to fade and disappear. Then, you make your choices in the moment, not having to stop to name one choice “right” and one choice “wrong.”

Noting Our Own Good

As an addendum to my last post, not only can we note when things are good, when they go right, but also when we do something right or good.  It’s so easy to dismiss our achievements or play them down.  When a friend does something wonderful, we are more likely to praise and encourage her to celebrate a good win.  For myself, “Ahh, it was nothing.  Not a big  deal. Probably just a fluke anyway.”  Or I decide I will celebrate, but end up forgetting or falling short in my festivities. 

It seems funny to be shy about these things.  When there’s so much good which can come from celebrating our wins, even the small ones.  I think we are hesitant because we are afraid of getting a “big head.” What does that mean, anyway?  The trouble comes when we only focus on our own wins and ignore those of others. Thinking we are the only one who can win. Or when we start to make up fake accomplishments.

I’m not a psychologist, but my guess is that people who we might say have a “big  head” don’t really appreciate the things they do.  I think that kind of egotistical attitude comes from insecurity. More of a lack of belief in one’s self.  If you felt really good about yourself, you’d have the spaciousness of generosity to allow and share in others’ successes. You certainly would have no reason to make things up.

So, I’m going to try to be less embarrassed by my successes and allow myself to feel them, to revel in them, as my Coach says. I doubt I’ll let myself get caught there. After all there are always more accomplishments, more successes to achieve!