How Am I Going to See It?

We all see things through a filter.  Even if we are willing to face life directly, we still make the choice what we are going to name what we see in front of us.  It helps to stop a moment and ask ourselves, “How am I going to relate to this situation?”

It is up to me to give this situation a name. Am I going to see it in a positive light – through the eyes of the Loving Universe?  That whatever I was hoping for just wasn’t meant to be.  I can learn something and grow from the experience.  Or am I going to see it in a negative light – as if I was being punished for something?  That I failed again and was never really good enough to get it, anyway . . .

Same situation either way.  I can still tell the truth about it and accept that it happened.  No matter how I choose to view it.

If I choose the Loving Universe theory, I melt the negativity gripping my heart, my hand, my mind, my emotions. Things loosen up, settle down. And then I can see life even more clearly, the situation can come into sharper focus.  It no longer hurts to look at it.  I can see the picture better and because I’m not so afraid, upset, angry, frustrated, insecure, unsure . . .  I can stand more confidently in who I am, in a far better, more stable position from which to take action. Whatever it might require. Rather than be standing on wobbly, over-wrought legs.

This grounded, positive stance gives me a calmer head for making choices before I act. It allows me to pause long enough to consider, rather than being run around by emotions.  My E-motions, emoting me into an action I may not have chosen. It gives me a moment to make a better choice.

In the end, any choice is really okay.  Making a choice is better than not.  Any one will move me forward.  But I have to imagine that a choice made in joy, from a more peaceful mind, is going to lead me to a more joyful place.

Let’s Create Some Fun Together

Part 2 of 2 – see below.  (This post is kind of meant to be read AFTER the previous post.)

I have written before about “The Wealthy Spirit,” a delightful book from Chellie Campbell.  In the book you will find an essay for each day of the year, along with a quote and an affirmation.  One of the essays is about the voices we hear in our heads.  Often these voices came from parents, teachers and other adults we were around as children. In one column Chellie lists the negative voices and another gives us positive words we can use to drown out the negative. Things like “Can’t you do anything right?” or “It’s for your own good,” can be replaced with more loving ones like “You can do anything you put your mind to” or “I appreciate you.”

One of my favorites is “Let’s create some fun together.”  I remember many times, as a child, when I was scheduled to go somewhere and at the last minute, I couldn’t.  Or when I asked if I could do something and was told that I couldn’t.  Children are not always soothed by the facts: “I’m sorry.  The car broke down and I can’t take you.”   “They cancelled the party.  There’s no place to go.”  These messages may not sink in, may not matter when your heart was set on it.  All you’re left with is a feeling of being deeply disappointed.

But what if someone said, “Maybe you can’t do that fun thing, but let’s you and I create some fun together”?  What a wonderful thing to do for a child! Offer him something fun to do.  What else might feel good right now?  Let’s accept the disappointment and move on. There are other enjoyable things in life. “We can sit down and draw or play a game together.  I’d say these are two of a child’s favorite things: playing and getting time and attention.

Play is a chunk of time to do something you really love to do.  For me, it would include creativity.  Doing art is how I like to play.   I emphasis doing because play entails some kind of activity.  While taking a bath might be thoroughly delightful and a healthy thing to do, it is not, strictly, “play.”  Playing might be taking a walk in the woods.  Better still, swimming.

Play is an amazingly healing thing.  But I think most of us don’t play enough.  Sure, there’s rest, but I’m talking about play.

One of the gifts of play is to use it when you’re otherwise disappointed by plans.  When plans change and you’re given a gift of time.  What are you going to do with it?  Sometimes that can be overwhelming.  Especially when you’re used to working all the time (see below).

Many times, when I find myself with unexpected time, I just don’t know what to do. Surely there must be something productive I can do with it.  That would be the thing to do, wouldn’t it?  Particularly since I’m always feeling behind. This could be a chance to catch up.  But then I find myself whining, “I doan wanna.  I want to do what I was planning to do!”

Wouldn’t it be great to use this disappointment to do something good for yourself? I try to keep a list of ways to play when I find free time. Play can be a perfect filler when your energy is cranked up anyway. Though I’ve not been very good at it (see the previous post), I think it’s important to figure out what would be fun for you.  Knowing this can really help a workaholic!

I happen to think that it’s a personal definition.  For some, going to a party is fun.  Not so much for me.  There are, of course, harmful ways to play.  But what I’m trying to get at here is just that one person’s play is another’s bore or turn off.

What a shame most of us didn’t have parents to model that for us.  Wouldn’t it have been great if we were taught how to make fun from disappointment?  Given tools for discovering what fun and play is for us?  What a great skill it would be to take with you into the world!

Now I am all for things that are productive AND play. Ultimately, isn’t that the idea?  To get to a place where everything is play. Cool, now I’m playing the Work game, digging my work, playing this part. Oh, now it’s time to play the Family/Loved Ones game!  Now I get to play with people I love.  How cool is that?  Next I’m going to be playing the Game of Caretaker, tending to needs.  Tomorrow I think I’ll play the Sports Game. . .

Life would feel a whole lot better if we played all the time.  What an amazing gift to give the art of re-setting to a child!  Easy to do, too. Just help them to find alternate plans. Create fun with them. Show them how good it can be when what you wanted or expected doesn’t show up!

Emotion Chemistry – Section 2: Emotion Potions

From the book that never was ~

In this section we go into the lab. We’re going to be taking the emotions we discovered in the first section on the Table of Emotions and playing with them, mixing them and seeing what happens when we combine certain elemental emotions.

One of the things about Emotions is that they rarely travel alone.  They are most often accompanied by at least one, but maybe many more.  Combine the wrong emotions and you can have a real mess on your hands.

Mix any two fear-based feelings, like Closed and Insecure, Stress and Pressure, or Hunger and Anxiety. Your potion might start to hiss, boil and then explode all over you, as sure as if you’d opened a pressure cooker at the wrong time!

The same is true for positive emotions. Just imagine what great things can come forth from combining Abundance and Generosity!  How about someone who feels Peaceful and Caring?  Love and Joy; Confident and Excited, are also pleasant Love-Based mixtures.

Some things to note:

*  Choosing emotions from different families on the Table of Emotions can produce a more tempered potion.

*  Adding Doubt or Gratitude can instantaneously change the color of your potion.

*  Combing Love and Fear emotions does not always produce a guaranteed result.

Emotions can arise in you or come out of others.  Blending these two can be especially powerful.  Emotions are contagious.  Have you ever noticed how a happy person can walk into a room and change everyone’s mood?  Lift all the other spirits?

Homework for this section is to observe the myriad of emotion combinations possible. See if you can tell which feelings are going on at the same time within you and without you.

The Table of Emotions

The second class in the Smart module of the book that never was is “Emotion Chemistry.”  This class will take the reader into the lab to observe emotions at play.

Section one is Exploring the Table of Emotions

As there is a Table of the Elements of Life, there can also be a Table of Emotions.  Your emotions direct your actions.  Anyone who has ever lost his or her temper knows this is true.

Knowing which emotion you are processing gives you a lot information about where you are in the present moment.  How you are reacting to what’s going on. The awareness also keeps you focused in the now.

This might seem a bit ambiguous, to decide if the emotion makes you feel “good” or “bad.”  What about those pesky “neutral” feelings in the middle?

To try to get a grasp on the wiggling nature of emotions, it helps to separate them.  We can see them falling into different families, such as physical feelings, like pain or heat or mental feelings such as love or frustration. Another family might be positive or negative feelings, Another might be those inspiring to create, or making you stop in your tracks.

The easiest way to slice them is to ask, is this emotion backed by love or fear?  This simple distinction can give you a tidy frame of reference.  You can usually tell if you feel comfortable in it or not. Broadly speaking, anything that doesn’t make you feel jazzed up, full of energy, ready to go, overflowing, could be considered on the fear side.

In “Conversations with God, Book 3,” God names the five natural emotions: Love, Fear, Grief, Anger, and Envy.  He explains it like this: “The five natural emotions include love and fear, yet love and fear are the basis for all emotions.  The other three of the five natural emotions are outgrowths of these two.”   And, He adds, in the end, it’s all love anyway. . .

It’s a fine thing to master the art of quickly naming your emotions.  Naming something gives you more control over it, helps you to understand it and express it more naturally.  Once you’ve sensed that you’re getting angry, you have time to decide how you want to use it.  In this way you can use your feelings in a natural way. You can see the anger telling you this is something you do not choose.  And within that, find the love.  Grief teaches you about letting go, Envy helps you to reach for more.

So, being able to identify which emotion you’re feeling helps you to feel it, process it and use the knowledge. With that, you can make a new decision how to proceed.