7 Ways to Better Relationships

It seems everywhere I turn these days, people are talking about relationships.  Books, seminars, lectures, and even classes on how to have better relationships.  Maybe I’ve been especially blessed as I’ve always had lots of relationships and feel fairly contented (at least at the moment) with my significant other.

I just don’t think it’s that tricky.  Relationships are what your life is all about.  The relationship you have with the people, places and things around you, defines who you are.  Every relationship is there to help you wake up and learn something new about yourself.  Everyone is your “Zen Master” as my teacher, Paulette Terrels says. 

So, why do people carry on so about them? Does it say something about our culture that people are so dissatisfied with the relationships in their lives? Or feel so separated and alone?  Can I say all my relationships are perfect?  That I wouldn’t want to tweak a few them?  Of course not.  But I try to use them all as a flashlight to illuminate things I need to learn and experience.

We are social beings and tend to congregate.  If there’s no one in your life, it’s probably because you’re not letting them in.

Here are my humble ways to have good relationships:

1)  Be more conscious in your relationships.  Know that you make a statement about who you are by how you relate to everything in your life.  Pay attention and take steps which reflect how you wish to relate, how you wish to be in relationship to whoever or whatever it is.

2)  Let go of expectations.  People are not put here to live up to your expectations and behave just the way you want them to. It’s a practice in peace to allow others to be who they are. It is also the greatest gift you can give them.

3)  Remember very few of us are mind readers.  Frankly, we’ve all got way too much chatter going on in our heads to allow in someone else’s.  If you don’t tell someone what you need or want, how are they supposed to know?  Be sure to let go of your expectations when you do, though.  Just because you ask, doesn’t mean they can deliver. But you’re surely not going to get what you want by being quiet and hoping the other will just know.

One of my favorite episodes of the old Dick Van Dyke show (from the 60’s) begins with Rob and Laura in the car, coming home one night.  Laura is obviously angry at Rob, but he doesn’t have a clue why.  He recounts the entire evening in flashbacks, trying to find the place where he messed up. They went to the theater with friends and then went for coffee and met some other friends. At the end of the evening, Rob picks up the check and we see that is what has gotten Laura’s panties in a twist.  She thinks he doesn’t love their 8 year old son.  Huh? Why would she think that? Finally she admits, she thinks Rob has jeopardized their son’s college education by  picking up the tab for everyone’s dinner when all the two of them had was dessert. I remember that scene when I am thinking someone should know what I want: Laura spent a lot of time feeling angry when all she had to do was tell him!  “If you don’t know, I’m not going to tell you,” is a lame excuse and causes far more problems than just saying it. If he had known she felt that way, he wouldn’t have picked up the check to begin with.

4)  Allow your relationships to come and go.  What is the saying that people are in your life for a moment, a season or a lifetime.  When it’s time for a person to leave your life, let them go – whether that’s to college, another plane of existence, across town, or the next love. We cannot hold people with us.  It is the nature of relationships to change.

5)  Appreciate the relationships you have.  There is something to be found in every relationship. I’m in a position right now where I come in contact with a lot of people.  Each one of them offers me something different.  Each one is a gift in my life. Notice how even the smallest relationship – like the person behind the counter at the library – can make your day.

6)  Define the kind of people you want in your life and watch for them. SARK talks about “building platforms of support.”  If you want a strong system to hold you up in your life, order up a platform of support. Who are the kind of people that will bring to your life what you need?  Then just be on the lookout for them.

7)  Open to relationships.  Don’t be so picky about it.  Know that you can learn, grow and have fun with just about anyone. Open your heart to others and they will open theirs to you.

 

Dream Boogie Again






I just got word SARK is offering her Dream Boogie class again in September!  As regular readers of this Blog know, I am a big fan of SARK and recently took this Dream Boogie class and recommend it highly.

Today, I’d like to offer some of the lingering effects from it, now several weeks out from it.

I have to admit that I have made a lot of progress since then.  There is much forward momentum happening.

Some of the tools I received from the class have been at my fingertips as the need arose. Some have grown broader through use and my tending to them.

I am now using MicroMovement Wheels in my weekly planning.  I choose 8 writing projects to work on, 8 marketing letters to get out, 8 pieces of business to take care of, 8 nurturing things I can do for myself.  This has, in a sense, taken me out from under the “Tyranny of To Dos.”  I don’t have to finish everything in a week’s time, but I know what I need to do. And allowing me to choose, at times, what to do in the moment.  For me, it’s a delicate balance between structure and flexibility and this provides both.

I’m learning, these days, to not only be aware of my energy needs, but using some of the insights I discovered in the class, I can actually manipulate my energy.  At least make up for places that lose energy in a busy week.

These last few weeks have made some deep demands on my time and energy. But I’ve been able to take good care of myself through it.  So I have what I need to keep my head above water and keep moving forward.

“Platforms of Support” are a big piece of this program.  Using SARK’s teachings, I’m finding more and more ways to build my platforms stronger and more supportive.  MicroMovement wheels have come in handy for this process, too.

Over the next few weeks, in preparation of the Fall session, I will highlight a different facet of this class. There are so many, like the Boogie Books, for example.  I have said before – they are worth the cost of admission.  I will be poking into them again and seeing what delicacies I have forgotten about.

There is a strong online community for support and insights that comes with the class. The “Inner Views” with inspiring people, the access to SARK herself. The marvels of the Tel-A-Share classes, that can be accessed from anywhere in the world! The daily practices that have helped me continue to move forward. And more.

If you sign up by August 15th, you get a big discount.  Click here for more information and to register.  It is worth every penny.  More to come . . .

Inspired Platforms

This week’s SARK Dream Boogie class is about Building Platforms of Support.  In the booklet that we get every week, she talks a lot about the word Inspiration.  About it being about breathing air into things, like your work, your dream. M-W defines it as, “The act of drawing in, specifically:  the act of drawing of air into the lungs.” 

My favorite movie to quote these days is “Kiss Me Deadly.”  In it, Mike Hammer has gone to an apartment building, following up a lead.  He needs to find out about a tenant.  There is a man standing at the back of a truck, struggling to get a pack on his back as he moves someone in.  Mike helps him lift it.  The elderly man thanks him profusely in a strong Italian accent.  He says Mike gave him “a deep-a breath.”  And he returns the favor by telling Mike what he needs to know.  Mike gave him the breath he needed to keep going. He gave Mike the information he needed to keep going. Inspiring both. I like that image of inspiration.

SARK asked us to think about what kinds of people, things and situations inspire us, breathe air into what we’re doing. The more of those you have in your life, the more sturdy support you have.  She took it a step further into ways you inspire yourself.  I guess I knew I had to be inspiring myself.  After all, who gets me to work every day?  But I was surprised to realize there are many other ways I inspire myself. I’ve learned, over the years, what motivates me.  And I have, after all, done “The Artist’s Way.”  I know how to fill the well when it runs low.  Some days I love my writing, I’m delighted by what I’m doing and feel I have much to share.  But there are other days, other times when I find myself lazy, hackneyed and breathless.  Boring and bland. 

What a marvelous thing to have sturdy platform of support I can go to for motivation and inspiration on those off days.  I have what I feel is a strong platform of outside support.  There are ways I can improve it for sure.  But I have some wonderfully wise and helpful friends I can call on.  Such is the world, though, that they are not always available right when I need them.  That’s when it pays to have a support team . . . shall we say, from another plane?  My Ideal Family from Barbara Sher’s “Wishcraft,” are all busy, famous people.  But I can have them with me by simply asking and they are there. Better still, I can find inspiration right here, in me.  Consistent, on the spot care.  Now that’s some great support!

SARK tells us we can find inspiration in ordinary, every day things.  That way we can use what’s around us to help support us.

Sometimes we need support or help from others.  SARK is teaching us ways to receive.  I am of the mind that people love to help, want to share their stories, their resources.  For me, anyway, it makes it a whole lot easier to give if someone tells me what they need.  There is an art to asking others for support.  You need to let go of your expectations, ask without consequence, and allow the other to respond from the heart. If they chose not to participate, it’s okay with you.  If you stay open to whatever happens, you can learn much from the experience, whatever it is.

We are practicing asking, specifically, for what we want or need.  And allowing the other to give. Being on the receiving end and allowing that to inspire us to give more to others.