The Marvelous, Messy Middle

SARK, in her Great Life Letter this week, talked about this.

I, for one, want to always feel good.  If I don’t, I promptly think I’m doing something wrong and want to get out of it as soon as possible.  The truth is, no one feels cheerful and happy all the time.  I think what SARK’s getting at is that, rather than haul yourself out of the funk, get into it.  Make friends with it.

SARK says, “It’s about finding and feeling as many glad parts as you can . . .” But it has to start by being willing to feel what you’re feeling.

I’ve heard it said a lot that the only way to transmute bad feelings is to feel them.  I don’t think I’ve ever fully grasped that.  But I think it’s about working with what SARK’s talking about: That middle point where life is what it is.

Rather than trying to medicate, feed, distract yourself from whatever you’re feeling, you need to face it.  Come to terms with it.  Saying this is where I am right now, feeling this.  Without judgment or plans to escape.  Being with it.

When you do that, immerse yourself, maybe there are spots that feel good within it.  Maybe there’s something quiet, relaxing or exciting about the feelings. Perhaps it says you’re alive.

It’s like anything, you get used to it.  Like jumping into cool water.  It’s a shock at first, but then you even things out and it feels okay.  At work, they changed a site I work with a lot.  When I first started using it, I found a task had become frustrating and tedious.  I had to move through 500 names, 10 at a time, waiting each time for the system to bring up the next names.  Doing this task, I would get bug-eyed and feel like I was falling asleep waiting for it.  But after doing it a couple hundred times, I’ve gotten used to it.  It no longer feels so tedious and difficult.  I believe this is the process of transmutation.

But it takes being willing to dive into that messy, chewy middle of things.  And then, making a choice to be glad, to honor the process of transforming the feelings.

Singing Three Parts with SARK

SARK has a tool she calls 3-Part Harmony.

I tried it this week.  I was struggling with a big change that’s trying to manifest itself in my life that I’m not entirely sure I want.  I had a lot to say about it.

The 3 Part Harmony goes a little something like this ~
You start with a good six Mad pages about whatever it is you’re mad or sad about, unwilling to do.  Let it flow.  SARK encourages you to repeat yourself, get dramatic and as demanding and as over the top as you can.  No limitations, don’t hold back, spew all of it out. (Barbara Sher calls this “Hard Times.”)

SARK’s second harmony are the Wise Pages.  When you have cleared the way with the Mad Pages, you can write out 4 to 6 pages from your wiser self.  Tell yourself what you need to hear. Maybe it’s comfort and understanding, some direction, a boost of encouragement. Address the issues brought up in the Mad Pages, but stay with the wise advice you would offer a good friend.  Say everything you want to say to yourself.

When you’ve finished that, you’re in a good place take the highest part of the harmony and do the Glad Pages. Talk of all you’re glad about.  I like the idea of pointing out those things you’re glad about in the situation that started all this, but any gratitude is healing.

What I found from this exercise was space.  I felt lighter, more open and willing.  Out of this space came a strong breakthrough on this matter.  It was different from my usual, sort of, rational revelation which says, “Ah, I see what was going on.”  This breakthrough went beyond into a new way of seeing the situation, a perspective I didn’t have before.  A more loving way to look at it.  There was new light to see the lay of the land.

Thanks SARK for opening up the orchestra, for the full sound.

This is one of many tools SARK offers and that you’ll learn about in Dream Boogie, Fall Session. There’s still time to sign up.  Registration closes on the 29th of September, 2010.  So click here before it’s too late!