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Last week I was going on a day trip. An hour or so from home, we would be there for several hours. I planned carefully, imagining how it might go, and calculating what I needed – food, warmth and the like. I also figured what I wanted to get done before we left and what I hoped to accomplish when I returned. I knew when I wanted to leave.
With that knowledge, I went with the moment. Laying down in it, efforting only for awareness. In this way I was able to enjoy whatever came up.
The best laid plans, of course. I left at just the right time, but got home later than I planned – traffic happens. And when I arrived, the situation was different than expected. Because I had thought it through, I knew I’d have time the next day to catch up. I got what I knew was important and let the rest go. All was well.
Some lessons from this: You begin by planning well. Imagining and dreaming what you’d like to happen, what you expect to happen. Spend as much time as you can. Paint it in living color. Add the details, down to the shutters on the house or the trim on the car. The more specific and concrete you can get, the better.
Then, you let it all go. Open the shutters of disbelief and limited possibilities. Relax into the moment. Look for the fun. See the lay of the land. Observe, listen and stay open for guidance.
In the end, the shutters may turn out to be blue instead of green or no shutters at all. If you’re willing to let go of what you imagined, you may be amazed at what you get instead. Allowing the warp and woof of life to reshape your vision will make it so much better! Co-creating, if you will, with life, with God.
I have come to believe that every moment can be fun and easy. Beautiful even, if you’re willing to see it behind whatever may show up in your life. Paulette Terrels suggests not putting too much stock in what’s actually going on around you, but, instead, seeing further beyond it, around to what’s grander and more beautiful.
Okay, I will concede that there may be times that are just Not Fun. Let’s say it’s very hard to see the fun or the beauty. But that doesn’t mean it’s not there. For most of us, who live free and relatively speaking abundant lives, there’s a whole lot of times, though, that most certainly ARE FUN! Or could be with an attitude tweak or two.
I think we get to moving so fast we forget how easy it is to turn on the Fun switch. Shining the light on what’s wonderful in and around the moment.
Practice, practice. Use the obvious, easy ones. When you’re hanging with people you love, enjoying a great meal. Or spending time with your special one, watching a wonderful film. At the arena, watching your favorite team win! Notice how much fun it is. Remember the feeling so you can spot it elsewhere.
It only takes an intention to find the fun. Just a breath (or 2) maybe a sigh and you are there. See how many opportunities there are! The best way to increase your fun times is to notice them. The more you acknowledge, the more you will see. It is just a practice. And, if I might add, rather a fun practice at that.
I still maintain it is actually possible to find fun all the time. I suspect the Dalai Lama finds life fun and easy most of the time. If not all. Despite all the things he’s seen, he loves to laugh!
So I may not reach the Dalai Lama’s level in this lifetime, but I can carve out a mighty fine life – making things easier on my mind, body and spirit. Not only that, my joy is contagious. Being happy and finding fun in life spreads. It affects everything around me. Make it a practice to see with eyes that recognize the fun and beauty which stands behind everything!
Part 2 of 2 – see below. (This post is kind of meant to be read AFTER the previous post.)
I have written before about “The Wealthy Spirit,” a delightful book from Chellie Campbell. In the book you will find an essay for each day of the year, along with a quote and an affirmation. One of the essays is about the voices we hear in our heads. Often these voices came from parents, teachers and other adults we were around as children. In one column Chellie lists the negative voices and another gives us positive words we can use to drown out the negative. Things like “Can’t you do anything right?” or “It’s for your own good,” can be replaced with more loving ones like “You can do anything you put your mind to” or “I appreciate you.”
One of my favorites is “Let’s create some fun together.” I remember many times, as a child, when I was scheduled to go somewhere and at the last minute, I couldn’t. Or when I asked if I could do something and was told that I couldn’t. Children are not always soothed by the facts: “I’m sorry. The car broke down and I can’t take you.” “They cancelled the party. There’s no place to go.” These messages may not sink in, may not matter when your heart was set on it. All you’re left with is a feeling of being deeply disappointed.
But what if someone said, “Maybe you can’t do that fun thing, but let’s you and I create some fun together”? What a wonderful thing to do for a child! Offer him something fun to do. What else might feel good right now? Let’s accept the disappointment and move on. There are other enjoyable things in life. “We can sit down and draw or play a game together. I’d say these are two of a child’s favorite things: playing and getting time and attention.
Play is a chunk of time to do something you really love to do. For me, it would include creativity. Doing art is how I like to play. I emphasis doing because play entails some kind of activity. While taking a bath might be thoroughly delightful and a healthy thing to do, it is not, strictly, “play.” Playing might be taking a walk in the woods. Better still, swimming.
Play is an amazingly healing thing. But I think most of us don’t play enough. Sure, there’s rest, but I’m talking about play.
One of the gifts of play is to use it when you’re otherwise disappointed by plans. When plans change and you’re given a gift of time. What are you going to do with it? Sometimes that can be overwhelming. Especially when you’re used to working all the time (see below).
Many times, when I find myself with unexpected time, I just don’t know what to do. Surely there must be something productive I can do with it. That would be the thing to do, wouldn’t it? Particularly since I’m always feeling behind. This could be a chance to catch up. But then I find myself whining, “I doan wanna. I want to do what I was planning to do!”
Wouldn’t it be great to use this disappointment to do something good for yourself? I try to keep a list of ways to play when I find free time. Play can be a perfect filler when your energy is cranked up anyway. Though I’ve not been very good at it (see the previous post), I think it’s important to figure out what would be fun for you. Knowing this can really help a workaholic!
I happen to think that it’s a personal definition. For some, going to a party is fun. Not so much for me. There are, of course, harmful ways to play. But what I’m trying to get at here is just that one person’s play is another’s bore or turn off.
What a shame most of us didn’t have parents to model that for us. Wouldn’t it have been great if we were taught how to make fun from disappointment? Given tools for discovering what fun and play is for us? What a great skill it would be to take with you into the world!
Now I am all for things that are productive AND play. Ultimately, isn’t that the idea? To get to a place where everything is play. Cool, now I’m playing the Work game, digging my work, playing this part. Oh, now it’s time to play the Family/Loved Ones game! Now I get to play with people I love. How cool is that? Next I’m going to be playing the Game of Caretaker, tending to needs. Tomorrow I think I’ll play the Sports Game. . .
Life would feel a whole lot better if we played all the time. What an amazing gift to give the art of re-setting to a child! Easy to do, too. Just help them to find alternate plans. Create fun with them. Show them how good it can be when what you wanted or expected doesn’t show up!
I am grateful for this powerful combination for doing everything with fun and ease. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could see everything as enjoyable? Perhaps the only thing that keeps us all from living that way is Belief and Trust.
It’s fun to believe! To make believe, believe in magic, in fairy tales, that all will be well, in God . . . When life is treated in this light-hearted spirit, we can set our hearts to believe that all is well, that we can handle whatever comes up. How delightful to step into belief!
Trust is the easy part. Resting into trusting that all is well. Just relaxing and letting go of any disbelief, unclenching. I think it is a more natural state for us. So we can just sit back and allow ourselves to trust.
This is not a lolly-gagging bit of easy going. Like in Tai Chi, the easier, lighter hand is the stronger hand. In that state the body is far more aware and prepared to strike.
These are really practice mechanisms. When you’ve played with these two for a while, you will find yourself transforming into Knowing. Add some gratitude along the way and you can arrive quickly at that place where you no longer need to trust. It always has been, always will be. In that comfortable space, you know you can handle whatever happens.
I’m using this method to help me hold a stronger vision of people. See them as whole, well, and abundant, rather than needy. Believing that they will be fine. Trusting their lives will be whole again.
Once upon a time there was a young girl. She was maybe 11 or 12. Nothing special about her, just an average girl. Maybe a hint of a wave in her hair, and when she was tired her left eyelid tended to droop. But overall, nothing remarkable.
One day she was invited to a very special party. The most popular girl in school had actually invited her. She was thrilled and preparations began.
Party day finally arrived, and the young girl put on her favorite party dress, made sure her shoes were cleaned and polished. She brushed her teeth twice and was now just brushing her hair, waiting for her mother to call her that it was time to go. The girl noticed the butterflies in her stomach were dancing up a storm. She couldn’t wait to get to the party!
She looked at the clock on her dressing table. It was time to go. What was her mother doing? The girl paced a bit across her thick green carpet, wondering when mother would be ready.
Finally, she heard her mother call out for her and she went running so fast she almost tripped over her brother’s books left in the hallway. “Isn’t it time to go?” she asked her mother, quite breathlessly. Her mother didn’t have her coat on or her bag in hand.
“I’m afraid you can’t go to the party,” she said.
“Why not? I’ve been planning this for weeks. Do you know how important this party is?”
“Yes, dear, I know how important it is to you, but not as important as daddy having to work today.”
“But, mother, I’m all ready to go.” The young girl could feel the tears pushing on her. She didn’t know if she could hold them back. “Please, I really need to go. Isn’t there some other way.”
“We only have one car, there is no other way. You can’t go and that’s final! Now, go change out of those clothes.”
“But mother, what will all the girls say if don’t show up?” The tears came flooding out and she stomped her way back to her room, knowing there would be no answer.
If you’re like me, this was not an uncommon scene in the household. Either growing up or raising a child, this kind of situation could come up from time to time.
The principle here, as I interpret it, is that children need to get used to disappointment. It is a fact of life, the way of the world. But what if there was another way to play this out?
Mother could start by calmly explaining the situation, but realizing that, to a young person, daddy having to work late doesn’t seem at all as important as going to a party. And car issues are pretty remote for someone 11, going on 12. Trying to explain this at length is probably not worth the hassle. But what if, instead of shoving the cold, hard truths down her throat, maybe we can try to ease her feelings and help her find some strategies to deal with disappointment in an effective way.
“Why don’t you and I have some fun instead?” sounds like a good opener. What could the child do to get out of her disappointment and into something more constructive? “Let’s work on that dress you wanted for the dance next month. I’ve got some patterns we can look at . . .” or maybe, “Why don’t we plan a party and invite everyone you missed at this party. How about that?”
True, having suggestions on hand that may or may not distract is not easy. But did anyone ever say parenting was easy?
My thinking is that the child needn’t spend hours feeling badly. If you can get to her early enough, before her anger and hurt have erupted, maybe you can find something agreeable to her. She can learn her lessons just as well – even better perhaps – by learning to cope with change and disappointment. To find ways to shift the situation from wallowing in anger and sadness into doing something better.
SARK has a new program, beginning next week, Wednesday, April 14th. I love all SARK’s programs. Just reading the description made me feel inspired, happier, delighted. She has a way.
“Dream Boogie” is about “Dancing from Dreaming to Doing.” Even that sounds like fun! And it is, of course, extraordinarily fun. It’s for anyone with a creative dream or project that they want to manifest. SARK says that those ideas will not go away and sit patiently waiting for you to take action on them. The Time IS Now!
SARK calls these dreams the ones that “make your eyes sparkle.” And she is offering us all a “sparkling dream disco.” It is full of delight (as all SARK programs are) but it is also a “study program,” designed to reach everyone with a variety of activities. It’s full of multimedia gadgets, but it is all delivered in SARK’s gentle and playful style.
#1 Dream Boogie Share – and -Tell-A ClassesA series of 8 tele-classes that are interactive. You can read her “Succulent Sillybus” on the web site at http://www.planetsark.com/cmd.php?Clk=3645592 Here are a sampling of them:
Week 1 is “The Inner Active Intake: Discovering What Your Dream Needs.”
Week 6 is “Boogie Balance: How to Live Your Dream and Love your Life, too.”
Week 8 is “The Garden of Dreams: Nourishing and Tending to your Dream.”
If you miss any of the weeks, you can get high-quality recordings of all of them.
But that’s not all ~
#2 Boogie Beans Forum
A place where you can make connections. SARK says, “We are all indelibly connected, and where our dreams come together, they are magnified.” This is an opportunity to magnify your dreams with others.
#3 Weekly Boogie Books.
This would be my favorite. SARK’s ever so delightful playbooks. The web site offers some samples at http://www.planetsark.com/cmd.php?Clk=3645592 One piece is on Energy and she asks you to think about “What makes your energy expand?” Another one looks like a much-fun project of making a map. Not the usual kind of vision board, but a map that has inspirations and people to call and reasons why.
The third sample she offers is a piece of SARK art that you can play with so that you make a pinwheel of energy. That is SARK!
#4 Boogie Burst
Every week you get a SARK video. If you watch the one on the web site you will want more! In the sample she talks about “New.” The opposite of old is not young, she says, it’s new.
#5 10 Inspiring Inner Views with Dream DoersYou get audio recordings and print layouts to “Stimulate different parts of your brilliant brain.” Some of the people on her list are Eric Maisel, Marci Shimoff, and Tori Hartman. Should be loads of good stuff!
#6 Boogie Buddies
SARK will group you with 3 to 5 of the other participants in the program and you get special assignments to work on together. Ain’t that groovy!
#7 Bodacious Boogie Burst
This could be worth the cost of the program. Your dream will be featured in one of SARK’s E-Letters. Bringing you “new customers, readers and followers.”
#8 Other Boogie Bits
E-mails from SARK and bonus art. Having SARK art around is like having her there to play with every day.
Please, check out the web site for more information at http://www.planetsark.com/cmd.php?Clk=3645592 (If you sign up, I get a commission!) If you have questions you can call or write SARK’s assistant Trisha. Trisha@planetsark.com or call 541 223-5757.
SARK will always leave you feeling a little warmer and softer inside.
The Positive Slant On the Path 