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I’ve been playing around with surrender lately.  Thought it’s particularly appropriate in my situation right now, I do believe it’s an important concept.

Surrender, as I’m talking of it, simply means to accept what you find in your life.  A wise friend pointed out that surrender without positive action attached is merely giving up. I prefer the idea of giving in.  Getting in the flow of what’s happening and letting it take you.  That doesn’t mean you can’t paddle or flap your wings, or look out for obstacles in the way.  It’s just that you stop fighting the current and allow it to work for you instead of against you.

1) Surrender to the Daily Trip Ups
The best place to practice surrendering is with the little things.  When you didn’t get the flavor you really wanted.  Or when the lid doesn’t fit, the printer isn’t behaving, the kids are bouncing off the walls. You have a choice.  You can get pissed off, rant to yourself or anyone who will listen about how that’s just another sign that life is out to get you, things never go your way, you should’ve . . .  (or whatever such babble might come up that makes you feel bad). Or you can surrender to the fact that the kids are just playing, that this is not the right lid, or the printer needs some attention. Tell yourself that it’s all for the best.  Maybe today is strawberry.  Tomorrow could be blueberry. Use the small things to practice for the bigger ones.

2) Surrender to the Moment
It’s quite easy and possible to stop and surrender to this moment. It only takes one breath. I find this extremely helpful in the holiday season.  When things get to moving too fast or too loud, if you take a breath and see what’s around you, you might find some good stuff.  Even if there’s nothing going on and it’s quiet.  Whatever is happening, surrender to it.  Just this one moment.

3) Surrender When There’s Nothing You Can Do
Keep an eye out for those things that you truly can’t do anything about.  At least not now. They’re not so hard to surrender to. Simply acknowledging that there’s nothing you can do about it can kick you into surrender gear. The rent’s due, but it’s Sunday and there’s nothing you can do about it today.  So “Don’t worry.  Be Happy.”  Just accept it.  You can take your positive action tomorrow. The Dalai Lama said, “If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.”

4) Surrender to Your Right to Shine Your Light
We all have something to shine.  It’s not really a right, I just liked the rhyme of it.  It’s more like a purpose or even an obligation. I believe that we are all put on this Earth to share our light. The light that’s inside of us.  That’s not exactly easy.  But if we practice with this thought, maybe we can learn to let it shine!

5) Surrender When You Feel Caught
If you find yourself stuck in resistance or obstinance or anger, or a meeting that won’t stop, just breathe out and realize you’re there.  Take a moment to ask yourself, “Can I accept this situation as it is?  Do I have a choice?”  This is where you are.

6) Surrender to the Joy
I happen to believe it is a Loving Universe.  If I allow myself to see all the joy around me, I’m reminded of that.  Surrender to the hot bath, the loving embrace, a good meal.  There’s so much in this world to enjoy!  It may be hard to surrender to a bleak situation, but not so hard to surrender to what’s good.  Practice where you can.

7) Surrender to God
Caroline Myss said of surrender that it’s about saying to God, “You choose, I’ll follow.” Knowing that we don’t know it all and can’t see the whole picture.  We can trust in and surrender to God.


I read a sad, but interesting story recently in Caroline Myss’ legendary book, “The Anatomy of the Spirit.”  In it, Caroline indicated that though the person in the story was willing, it wasn’t the same as surrendering.  I love those shades of meaning from a linguistic point of view.  But, if you notice your body when you say, “I am willing,” versus “I surrender,” you may see that there is a physical difference between the two, as well.

When you are willing, you’re geared up, you’re leaning forward, you’re ready, you might even be gritting your teeth. Isn’t that often accompanied by a desire to do something, maybe even to get something for it?  What’s really going on, though, could be closer to resigning to it. I’m willing to do it, because it’s for my own good, I know it will turn out for the best … When you surrender, it’s like letting out a long breath. You sink in, you relax, you release, you give up.

We all so love to be in control.  I, myself, am quite fond of predictability.  I like having some idea what’s going to happen next.  And I’ve found that need for predictability can be present whether you’re a home-based worker, a 50 hour a week employee, a new mother, or a trust fund baby.  We are so often scrambling to build predictability into our lives.  It’s hard to give up control, even when we really don’t need to hold on so tightly.

This Surrendering certainly entails faith on some level. Can we say a willingness to surrender?  Paulette Terrels often speaks of being willing to be willing.  That is certainly a step on the journey.  But we just haven’t crossed the threshold until we are ready to surrender. When we can acknowledge everything that happens to us is perfect.  Everything.  Even those little annoyances when you just can’t get the lid on straight!!  It’s Susan Jeffers’ chant that “It’s all happening perfectly.”  Being able to let go, at every moment, and let it be what it is.  Surrendering to whatever is going on.

Things go better with willingness, that’s for sure. I often marvel at what I can accomplish when I’m willing.  But no matter what I do, how much I can get done, if I look, I will find below the surface, an element of resignation keeping  my hands on the reins.  And no matter how willing I may be, I am always susceptible to running straight into that brick wall.  That one thing where I say, No!  I’m not going any further, I’m no longer willing.

With surrender, there is no limit. There is no stopping point where I can’t surrender any more.  I’ve already surrendered everything.  In that moment.

Everyone’s talking about it.  It is the backbone of the Law of Attraction.

It’s a theory that says if you can act like it’s already happening –  already in your life, you are already the person you choose to be – you create a better conduit, set up better causes and conditions for it to manifest.

Susan Jeffers explains how it works, in her book Embracing Uncertainty. “If you act-as-if long enough, your mind lets in the possibility that something is so. And, ultimately, you are able to embrace the reality that it is so.”

I’ve recently been introduced to “Ted Talks.”  I listened to a brilliant talk by Amy Cuddy called, “Your Body Language Shapes Who You Are.” She is an expert on hormones and has done extensive study on body language and how the movement and placement of your body can greatly effect your mood and your life.

She spoke about “Faking it until you make it.” Her theory was that some people feel like a fraud doing this.  Her turn of the phrase adds an intention to “Fake it until you Become it.”  If you are striving to become something, it is not being a fake.  And that is really the heart of Acting as If.  Not to fool anyone – least of all yourself – but to practice until you become it.

Many spiritual practices and teachers, including the Buddha, tell us that which we want is always waiting for us to just see it.

The great writer and teacher, Dorothea Brande said, “All that is necessary to break the spell of inertia and frustration is this: Act as if it were impossible to fail. That is the talisman, the formula, the command of right about face which turns us from failure to success.”

Even C.S. Lewis had something to say about it. “The rule for us all is perfectly simple. Do not waste time bothering whether you love your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.”

I believe it was Caroline Myss who said that money is a substance that faith attracts.  Believing the money will be there, acting as if it is,  is a strong indicator that it will be.  Why the rich tend to get richer and the poor stay the same.

It all adds up to the Conversations With God teaching about how most people say, “Well if I had this, I could be that and then I could do what I need to do.”  But what if we change that up and call it Do Be Have?  If we do it first, if we act as if it’s here already, fake it until we make it, we will Become it and then we will have it.  It’s not hard to believe that could greatly speed up the manifesting process.

Susan Jeffers wondered what we could accomplish if we acted as if we truly made a difference in this world.  Can you imagine?

Cheryl Richardson speaks about creating an Ideal Profile.  I have heard this notion before.  To outline what you want in a perfect world, if things were just exactly the way you want them. I blanch at the idea of this, frankly.  Because I so often make too specific demands.  I go overboard and get it down to the color of the shutters on the windows. And so often, I’m disappointed.

I realize, though, the validity of this process.  It’s a really good place to start.  If you don’t know what you want, you’re going to have a very hard time finding it.  I like to say, too, that if you don’t know where you’re going, what you’re aiming for, it’s highly unlikely that you will arrive – or realize it when you’re there. And as Cheryl Richardson points out in her examples – you might throw out the baby with the bath water  – giving up something good for the wrong reasons.  Treating something that isn’t really the problem. 

Cheryl tells us of a woman thinking about selling her successful business because she has grown tired of the work and uninspired.  When Cheryl suggested she try the Ideal Profile exercise, the woman came up with a description of her ideal client. Then, Cheryl asked her to “give up good for great.”  That meant, not settling for less than the ideal, not taking on a client that was “almost” there.  In the process she turned her business into one that truly excited her.  The trick is to have the faith to pass on something that is close enough. Instead to hold out for everything you want.  Wow!  That feels hard to do.  What if I end up with nothing?  But that’s the risk and I think it pays off.

Caroline Myss describes money as something which faith attracts. I know this about the law of attraction that if you don’t think you deserve something, you probably won’t get it. This holding out process says, yes, I can have this.  I believe our President won, against all odds, with something similar.

I have done this before and watched the Universe produce.  I wanted a new bag.  My coach had me outline just exactly what I wanted to carry and then let it go.  That’s an important step.  Otherwise you keep looking for those shutters and miss the perfect house just because it has slightly different shutters. I ended up finding the perfect bag in my closet.  That worked because I had a clear picture of what I was looking for and didn’t feel I had to settle for anything less.

Let’s take a moment with this concept of letting go.  I could, perhaps, write 3 or 4 posts on this topic.  It can be key in attracting things into your life.  Neediness doesn’t create a wide open path to you.  If you need it too much, you actually shut down the flow. That certainly speaks to your deserv-ability.  Neediness turns your faith way down.  So the letting go, the surrendering to whatever happens, the trust factor, is crucial in attracting and finding what you really want.

When you are light about it, you have a sense of knowing that it will arrive. You know you deserve it, so you’re not worried about.  From this place, you’re more able to give up the good and wait for the great to show up.

The process has to begin with your intention – your Ideal profile, your specific request if you will. You can use this Ideal Profile in many places.  Certainly for a new job, but also for a pen, or even what you want to eat. Feel good about it, imagine yourself having it, generate some good feelings around it, knowing you deserve to have it and then let go.  Then, all you have to do is rejoice when what you’ve asked for arrives.

I’ve been hearing a lot of sad stories lately.  Some desperately sad, some not so much. But what I’ve found is this:  Many of the people who lead the truly sad and difficult lives, don’t talk much about it.  I wonder why that is.
I don’t mean to diminish the trials and tribulations of others.  I know there is great suffering in the world. And I know how very blessed I am.

The trouble is I’m finding many people who, for no apparent reason, want to talk about all the problems in their lives.  Now, there are surely times when you need to explain yourself and I see nothing wrong with that.  You have to tell the truth:  “I can’t attend the dance, I broke my leg.”  However, I see no relevance in going on to tell all about how your husband has left you, the roof is leaking and you have to decide whether or not to put your mother in a nursing home.

Again, I don’t mean to be cruel here.  If I can help you make your decision, fix your roof or forget about your husband, I’m happy to do so.

The problem lies, I believe, in the need people have to tell their sad stories.  As if talking about them will make them go away.  But I’m not entirely convinced they want my help to heal the wounds, or remove the hardships, they just want to talk about it.  Maybe they want my sympathy. Again, I’m fine with giving my sympathy but I don’t know if it’s the healthiest thing for the other person.

Sometimes you do need to talk about it.  But you don’t need to keep talking about it,  talk to anyone who will listen. It’s a good thing to be “able” to talk about it, for sure.  But the more you talk about it the more you become one with it.  This, I suspect, can attract more of the same stuff.

Why is it that so many people who go through hardship seem to have so much of it heaped on them? 

I believe in the notion that it is an energetic world.  When you are vibrating at a certain level, you attract the same level of vibration.  It only makes sense.  So, if you’re talking all the time about how bad everything is, you’re likely to be calling out for the same kind of vibration.

Caroline Myss talks about “woundology.”  People who wear their woes like a badge.

So, what do you do?  Lie instead?  Am I advocating that you say everything’s wonderful when it isn’t?  I think it depends on the situation.  If you’re talking to your therapist – probably best to spill it all out.  If your friend asks you how the divorce is going, you might want to tell the truth.

My concern is, the more you allow yourself to wallow in the emotion the longer it takes to get out of the pool. The negative statements (even if they’re factually based) generate more negativity. (Or at least the emotions you have around the facts.)  So, if you can find something good to say and feel about it, anything at all you’re grateful for and stay with that, it can change the way you’re feeling and vibrating. Helping you to lift yourself out of the muck.

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