When things go wrong in our lives, when we have upsets or heartbreaks, that’s the time when we really need the Positive Slant.

It’s easy to feel, at times like these, that you have no control. That what’s happened is out of your hands.  It can make you sink into helplessness.

The truth is there are things you CAN do.

It’s very important to feel what you’re feeling.  Be sad, mad, depressed, or sorrowful. The trick is to not let yourself sink into it.  There is a tendency to feel safe in your wallow.  That’s not going to help.  Allow yourself just enough time to acknowledge and face your feelings, accept what’s happened.  Then, move on.

Having a next step can often dig you out of it.  Get busy figuring out what you need.  What can you do to feel better, to deal with the situation?  If there’s something that needs your attention to rectify or soothe matters, do as much as you can.  Break it up into tiny actions.  A small amount of effort applied regularly, produces results.  You may not be ready to tackle everything at once, but you can time a small step.

This is a perfect time to practice reaching out for help.  It is NOT essential for you to face this alone. You may find, after your boyfriend or girlfriend is out of your life, for example, that you have a lot of time on your hands.  Rather than sitting home, feeling sorry for yourself, call on your friends and family.  Ask what they’re doing and if you can join them.  Encourage them to include you in whatever they’re doing (especially if you’ve been cutting yourself off with your significant other.)

An important note here is that people will find it much easier to give you what you need if you tell them, specifically, what you’re asking for.  Most people are happy to help, but don’t often know how.

As you go through your day (after all your friends can’t keep you distracted every moment) search for and collect whatever you can find that makes you feel good about yourself and your life.  What do you still have to feel good about?  Make a game of it.  See how many you can find.  Ordinary things are the best to fill your basket quickly. Things like the way the sun comes in the window or a tasty lunch.  Also, be sure to notice when things go your way.  When you get a seat on the subway, when you get what you wanted, when you’re praised or acknowledged for a job well done.  Find whatever you can to keep your thoughts off what’s bothering you and on what’s good, what makes you feel better.

It’s crucial at this point to take really good care of yourself.  Step up your self care.  Go out of your way to do nice things for yourself.  Eat well, get some movement, and stay away from situations which strain your emotions.  This is a time to be selfish!  If there are things you need to do, it’s better to face and do them. Just pad the way as much as you can.

When you’re feeling stronger, see if you can play with the situation. Can you turn it around, inside out and look at it from another perspective?  Exert the Positive Slant and see things in a new light.  You may be able to turn something “bad” into something positive, something that could be really good for you – a lesson, a growth.

When you can start seeing in that new way, with perhaps a sense of excitement, with a solid foundation of gratitude, you’ll know you’re on your way to healing.