From the book, “The Energy of Money,” by Maria Nemeth, Ph.D.

As promised this week is all about support.  Maria says, “Behind every great success is a team of supporters.”  I have also found this to be true.

We are energetic beings. And we are all connected.  The giving and taking energy is what created us and what sustains us.  What are we without others to interact with?

There is much we can do on our own, but there is not one of us who hasn’t felt scared or unsure at one time, or many.  When you’re in that state, it’s not easy to bring yourself out of it.  It’s like trying to pull yourself out of quick sand.  You, literally, don’t have the footing.

Others can give us the courage we need when we feel we don’t have it.  They can remind us of the promises we’ve made and lift the mirror so we can see all we are and have to give.

It is my experience that people love to talk about what they know.  I am in awe of the generosity of my writing support team.  There is never any hesitation or competition among writers.

Must of us want to help each other and are eager to share what we have.  The water can get murky when we don’t know what to give.  I have often struggled with trying to give someone something they didn’t want or need.  I’ve had many do the same to me. One of the challenges I face in this give and take game is that I don’t always know exactly what I want or need.  How can I possibly know what others want?

So, step 1 in getting support is to figure out what you need.  I think that makes it so much easier to ask. That is the second step (and one many people have difficulty with).  You are unlikely to (or you leave it up to chance to) get the support you really want if  you don’t ask for it.  Step 3, to connect the two, is to receive.  I was surprised to find how difficult that is for me. SARK says most of us are far more used to giving. You need to stay open to receive and allow the other person to give.  Finally, to complete the exchange, say thanks; let the other person know.

Some people think it’s selfish to ask for help.  But this process is always of mutual benefit.  Maria says, “letting others know their value to us is far more precious than any gift you could buy them.”  Self esteem, Maria reminds us, comes from creating value for others.  Does anything feel better than that?

Maria also wants to warn us that support is different from co-dependency.  In co-dependency the other is trying to fix us.  Notice how the help feels.  Does it make you feel empowered or lacking?

Exercise: Getting Support on Your Hero’s Journey.
Maria asks us first to take a look at our structure of knowing about getting support.  Be willing to go beyond that.

Here are some qualities of a good support team person:
* Genuinely supportive
* Someone you like and trust who cannot be manipulated
* Someone who will not manipulate or collude with you in talking about what you don’t have
* Ruthless compassion in reminding you of your promises
* Without a vested interested in the outcome

1. Make a list of the people who have these qualities.
2.  If you come up short, Maria assures us that the act of thinking about how to “give and get quality support” will open us to ideas.  Allow yourself time to ponder, if necessary.  (Really, I’d say, one or two is sufficient to get started.  For this exercise, you only need one person.)
3. Choose a project in which you are willing to be supported. (I like the way she says that.)
4.  Of the people on your list, ask, “Am I willing to let this person have success in supporting me?”  Maria suggests looking at the ways you have used in the past to avoid support.  See how you have kept yourself from moving forward on this project.  It may be uncomfortable to look at that, but the results of doing so will be well worth it.
5.  Within 48 hours, ask one of the people on your list  for help.  You might share with them the ways you have used to get out of it doing it in the past.
6.  Tell the person about the project and make a promise to do a specific Authentic Action in the next two days. This action should be a bit of a stretch, but one you are relatively sure you can do.  Success breeds success.  Tell the person to call you to support you before you do it, or afterwards to celebrate it.
7.  She says you might give the other person your Standards of Integrity so he or she can throw them in your face if you’re not following them.
8.  Tell the truth!  If you haven’t done it, say so. Restate your promise and try again.  Keep coming back.
9.  Acknowledge each other.
10.  If you want to, make another promise.
Maria, of course, adds to write about any thoughts or feelings that come up.

The rest of the chapter goes into detailed instructions of how to create a success group.  Here are the questions she wants you to answer:
1.  What specific qualities am I willing to contribute to the group session so that all of us will be successful?
2.  Am I willing to dismantle my structures of knowing?
3.  Am I willing to use everything that goes on in the group session as a personal lesson for myself?
4.  Am I willing to listen to the support others in the group offer?  Even if I do not agree with what they are saying . . . especially if I do not agree with it?  It’s possible you are being defensive.  Check for that.

This “Sturdy Platform of Support” as SARK calls it, according to Maria will, “Feed you the energy to go beyond where you would normally stop yourself.”  And that’s how we can all be successful. Here’s to moving forward!

Next week – Gratitude, ahhh!